Golden Boy- Pedri

CH 45- No going back

PEDRIS POV!!
PEDRIS POV!!

Y/N and I were doing one of the exercises that Coach Xavi had left for us.
The reason why I had to train after hours was because as a player, I was regressing.
The truth was, since all the stuff with Y/N had gone down, I wasn't playing how I used to.

We were passing the ball to one another, neither of us saying a word.

I hated myself because it had come to this. But I also reminded myself that I was with Isabel now, and it was for the best. Y/N and I would have never worked out....
Or would we?

It had now reached an hour of not talking, and it killed me.
I hated the fact that I sabotaged the best thing that came into my life.
The best person.
The best girl.

But it was too late.
There was no going back.

Suddenly my phone rang, and it was Isabel.
I picked up, and she wanted to know if we were having dinner tonight. I told her yes, and after a few minutes of talking, we hung up.

I felt an ache of sadness when I put my phone in my pocket and saw Y/N looking at me.

She looked away when I saw her.

We kicked the ball for a bit longer, when she stopped the ball with her foot and looked up.

"Pedri, can I just ask you something," She said softly. "Why did you say all those things? Did you really mean them?"

With everything in my heart, I wanted to tell her the truth.
No, I didn't. I'm sorry. I want to be with you.

But I had to remind myself again that I was with Isa. And I already ruined everything between Y/N and I.

So I lied. "I did," I said sharply.

She closed her eyes. When she opened them, she took a deep breath. "Listen. I know you're with Isabel, and I truly hope you guys are happy together."

I hated that she was so kind and genuine, even though I was nothing but an asshole.

She continued. "But I know how you felt about me."

"What?" I snapped.

"In Italy", She said. "Frenkie overheard you on the phone to your brother."
"It's not true. I was talking about someone else". I looked away.

I couldn't even look her in the eyes.
I was lying to both of us.
All of this was my fault.
And it was far past the point of return.

"Pedri why are you doing this?" Irritation flared in her voice.
I looked at her, and my chest felt heavy.

She had tears in her eyes. "I liked you too, and you completely cut me off. And even so, we were friends. But then you said that we never were."

We were looking deep into each other's eyes.

I wanted to take all of it back.
I wanted to say how I really felt, instead of letting my scared feelings consume me.
I wanted to hold her, and kiss her, and never let her go.

But I couldn't.

I shook those thoughts away. "We weren't. You got the wrong impression."
Another lie...I had already destroyed everything.

"You know what. Maybe I did get the wrong impression, but maybe you're just scared of how you feel." She shook her head, her eyebrows creasing. "One day you'll realize that your actions and words hurt people. I hope you never hurt Isabel, and I genuinely wish you two all the best. But I'm telling you right now. We never need to say another word to each other, look in each other's direction, or even think about one another. That's sad because I actually thought we could've been such good friends."

She turned around and started to walk off.

I closed my eyes and blinked back tears.

She stopped and looked back.
"And just so you know, I never would've broken your heart."

I thought I saw a tear fall down her face, but before I could know for sure, she turned around and walked off.

It hit me, that I had lost her for good.
It was no one's fault, but my own.
I heard a door slam and realized I was here completely on my own.

And for the first time, for as long as I could remember, I cried.