Died enough for You [Joel Hokka FF] (English)

This is where We fall apart

It's a tingle that lands on my lips and gets stronger every time he breaths out. Butterflies causing chaos in my whole body when he stands this near to me that nothing else fits between us except of the warm air we're breathing out.

Even though all of his touches are soft and he doesn't do anything more than being so close to me, he takes all of my strength I accumulated. Kept inside of me over many years and all of this just to stand here right now, without any movement and in a Quandary I can't get out off. It's to late to fight against it. From the very start he had blocked my head, created a chaos I can't get out off. From the moment when we were facing eachother in the tour bus and he didn't let me through, that was the moment when his game started, and from this second he manipulated me. He took my strength and let me act the way he wanted to.

Only the butterflies pull me even closer to him, let me want something, desire something, that he isn't doing yet. The only thing, that I want, is to overcome the last few centimetres. I want to feel his lips on mine, and that's why I'm hating myself, right now. Nothing in my body manages to fight this feeling. I don't really know, how long we've been standing in this position, but it feels like an eternity. An eternity, which is destroying me, but in the same time an eternity, in that I'm trying to fight against my feelings in vain.

Joel isn't moving at all, just the tips of our noses and our foreheads are touching. "You do it.", his voice is just a quiet whisper. Nearly not hear able but because suddenly his touches are even closer, it's much more intense for me. I slowly start to lift my chin a few centimetres but these centimetres are enough to build a slight touch which tempts me to what he wants and this all the time. I've been in Finland. Just because of this slight movement closer to Joel, my lips are now lying on his.

Like little sparks my lips start to tingle because of the permanent touches. He lays his hand on my neck and pulls it closer to him while he is still pushing my body slightly but at the same time stronger against the wall. Our lips start moving synchronised and the butterflies are flying through my whole body. Starting from every spot on my body, these butterflies move through my body.

My hand which was just hanging next to my body the last moments now lies on his temple and runs from there on in his long blind hair. This feeling which spreads inside of me with the kiss manages to bring back feelings, memories, that I pushed away for way too long. That I didn't want to think about anymore and that I suddenly find in my thoughts again.

The longer our lips are connecting with the others, the more intimate the kiss gets, the more dominant Joel gets and the faster the kiss gets. Now he's pushing me against the wall with his whole body weight and when he shortly takes his lips from mine and I try to breath he presses them back on mine and slowly starts to run his tongue over my lower lip. But I won't make his wish come true. I continue the kiss like I did before and with my hand at the back of his head I'm trying to pull him even closer but in the moment I press his lips more on mine, he grabs my hand, which is still lying in his hair, with his hand, that had been leaning on the wall.

Without interrupting the kiss he also grabs my second hand, which is lying against his breast and pushes them against the wall above my head. The pressure on my lips again fades a bit when he takes the other hand, which was resting on my neck the whole time and now streaks the side of my neck in consistent up and down streaks.

Over and over again over the spot, that makes me go crazy with every single touch and which once before got me into a unpleasant situation. I somehow try to distract myself from this touch, try to totally focus on our lips and breath calm but because of the kiss I'm already out of breath and because of the fact that I can't defend myself in any way, it's even harder to stay in control.

Nevertheless I manage to not fully give in to him and manage to concentrate on how his lips lay on mine. "Let it happen.", he breathes into the kiss, "I know you want it.". Even though he talks, or much more gasps, there is not much place between our lips so I can feel every single touch of his lips on mine.