Died enough for You [Joel Hokka FF] (English)

You bring Your bad News

"Okay, you have to explain that to me. How can Joel take away your band?", Niko is shocked and lets me take my head away from his shoulder again while I look to the floor. "It's his fault that our band fell apart. When Arian and Mauri got to found out about it, you could really see their two different personalities. Mauri was upset and tried to comfort me. Arian got angry. He was really emotional but most of the time it was anger that came up. His brain kinda stops working then and he can't think a clear thought anymore.", I start with the second part of the story.

My sight becomes more and more blurry because of the tears in my eyes. "I persuaded myself to go outside after six months, walked through the village and met up with the boys. Actually we got along with eachother pretty well again and we finally worked on some songs. Many of them were results of the demos, of the songs I made in the half of the year before but discarded again." – "Because of that, your last album was made.", Niko interjects and I nod. "Yes, exactly. The only weird thing was that Arian acted weirder and weirder. Somehow he acted withdrawn and kept his nose out of it. The whole album, except of one song, he didn't really worked with us and let Mauri, Keno and me work. I always had the feeling that he didn't feel well with the idea behind everything and confronted him with this, but he said, he just has many other things to do at the moment. Of course I didn't believe him. My feeling that something is wrong in the band, has always been good, but to set him against me also wasn't a good idea. The last thing I wanted was a fight in the band. Not after we just got back in contact.", I keep on talking.

Niko has to suppress a smile. "Well that didn't work out as planned.", he notices and I have to agree with him. "It all built up on top of eachother. Indeed, it escalated in the end and not just a bit, but when I look back you can really see how everything built up on top of eachother until the break up of Shadow Hearts. It's the same as when you stack a lot of glasses so you don't have to walk more than once, but in one moment there are too many glasses that you want to carry and then it's clear for everyone that the escalation is going to happen. The cups fall down and shatter into many pieces with a loud bang, the only thing that remains are tiny pieces of broken glass, spread all over the floor. You sweep them up together and put them in the garbage can."

My gaze wanders to Niko to see if he understood what I wanted to explain, but the only thing I can see in his face is how he is amused by my description. "Did you really just compared your band with breaking glasses?" – "Yeah, I did. Sorry sometimes my metaphorical brain goes crazy. Not just while writing songs.", I smirk and recognize that it's the first time I smile while talking to Niko. "No worries. At least it's totally visible for me now. Even though I don't see you as tiny pieces of broken glass. You seem to be pretty whole.", he laughs and hugs me amused. "Well I am one tiny piece of broken glass from the whole thing.", I explain, to which Niko has to admit defeat.

A silence fills our conversation for a while, that I kinda enjoy. "You can keep on talking if you want. I am listening.", the brunette Finn encourages me. I take a deep breath quickly and continue the story afterwards: "Anyway, I have noticed over time that everywhere I went in the village or wherever I appeared, for example at a festivity, there was a mumble. At first I didn't pay attention to it and thought that I was just hallucinating 'what should they possibly gossip about?' But it got more and more and then I was sure that I wasn't hallucinating. Keno also talked to me about it and asked if he is just imagining it or if the mumble really existed. There's always been a gossip in the village, that's for sure, but this time it was kinda weird that it appeared every time we stepped in the room but never knew what it was about. I asked my parents and Félicité too." – "Your sister.", he wants to make sure if he remembers it correctly.

I nod briefly and continue: "But they didn't know anything either. Keno asked his family aswell and when we asked Arian and Mauri, they said that they don't know anything about it either and that we shouldn't be worried. After all, there were moments like this in our village before. Most of the time it was about the stupid topic that we are a Rock and Metal band at such a young age. We often had to deal with criticism and rumours that made their way through the village but this time something was different."