Reunited [Matt x Reader] [Eddsworld]

Chapter 5 - Endearing

And suddenly, I felt it wash over me. 

The thing I've been trying to avoid from happening all this time.

My body tensed up, my stomach sinking and twisting in on itself as a rush of cold air enveloped my body. Before I could process anything else, I pushed past Matt, running into the bathroom, just barely making it to the toilet as I proceeded to bend over and hurl all the contents of my food intake of the day inside.

I panted heavily, my inhales sharp and deep and desperate, my lungs feeling like a rope has constrained them to prevent them from being able to take in any air. 

Panic attack. 

Unfortunately, during the past 5 years, they've grown much more intense and frequent. There were nights which I spent huddled up in cold sweat, my body and mind exhausted as I paced around the room, clutching a hoodie or a blanket over me, my body at the precipice of exhaustion, but still pushing on because I was acutely aware that if I had stopped, even for just a brief moment, it would all become so much worse. 

Tears flooded my eyes as I coughed up more puke, my lungs desperately trying to get air into them as my body couldn't comply with their request because it was too busy hating me. It was as if it had been rejecting the very concept of me being the one to inhabit it.

Please stop. I'm begging you. Either let me die already or stop this. I didn't ask for any of this. How much longer will I have to suffer before you're satisfied? 

It was going to be another sleepless night, I was positive on that. My eyes were sealed shut as tears ran down my face in a neverending stream. It felt like the entire room had been closing in on me. It felt like the world was spinning. It felt like I was dying a painful death, that I was surely just mere moments away from it being too much for my already weak body to bear.

As I trembled, fighting against my own flesh, I suddenly felt a very familiar hand brush away strands of hair from my face, and pull them up behind me. 

My breath hitched. 

'Matt?' I looked over my shoulder, to find him gathering strands of hair that stuck to the sweat on my neck to hold up so that I wouldn't get them dirty. His face bore that same look of concern it did before, but now it was somehow even more intense. 

'I'm here for you, (Y/N). I want to be here for you through all of it.' his voice trembled as his other hand balled up into a fist, scrunching up the fabric of his pants where it rested. 'There is absolutely no way I'm letting you out of my sight ever again! I can't lose you again!' His voice cracked as he spoke the last sentences with ever-growing urgency. 

I stayed silent. I wanted to process what he said, I wanted to respond, to do anything, but it was impossible for me. I was still overridden by panic that has been building up for years, and my brain had trouble processing any input. 

At the very least, I stopped throwing up, and the breaths I had to take now weren't as sharp and desperate as they were before. As Matt noticed this, he grabbed a paper towel from the bathroom counter and began to wipe my face down. He was very gentle, moving slowly and carefully, cleaning the puke and sweat away from my face. He didn't seem to be disgusted at all, the only expression on his face being that of genuine care and concern. 

'I don't know what's happening to you sweetheart, but whatever it is you can rest assured I'm going to help you get through this. I am the world's best boyfriend after all.' He grinned, the sparkle returning to his eyes as I smiled at his words. That's the Matt I love. I can't explain it. I don't have a logical reason for it, but his mild vanity sprinkled into his speech was very endearing to me. Hearing those words helped put my brain at ease even more, as I was met with a familiar sense of comfort.