ՏTᗴᑭ ᗷᖇOTᕼᗴᖇ

Chapter 30

NAMJOONS P.O.V

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING?!"

Mum looks furious, I haven't seen her this angry since me and Yoongi used her grandmother's patchwork quilt to dry up spilt car oil.

I gently put Jin down and try not to laugh as he tries to untangle himself from his own hair.

"Namjoon, living room. Now."

I'm so fucked.

I follow her into the living room and waiting for the barrage of screaming, instead she just looks between me and the kitchen where I can hear Jin and the running water.

"We were just messing around mum." I lie. I tried to make it sound strong but I don't think she believed it.

I wasn't messing around. I was trying to fight the urge to take Jin right then and there against the kitchen table.

I've never met anyone that makes me feel the way he does. He lights a fire in me, I feel crazy when I think about him even though I'm always thinking about him.

He makes me mad with lust whilst also being the only thing that calms me. I want to hold his hand and cuddle him but also fuck him into oblivion at the same time. He makes every part of me alive with electricity. He's the only boy I've ever thought about beyond what I can get from him in this moment, I actually think about our future.

"Namjoon I know what you're doing and it has to stop."

"What are you talking about?" I answer too quickly. There's no way she knows about us, despite the slip up in the kitchen just now we've been careful but honestly, I don't care if she does. I want Jin. Maybe I should just tell her about us.

"Look I know what you're like with people, you have a way with them and can make them bend to you. I've seen it a hundred times with you Namjoon. You don't know how to talk to people if your not flirting with them but you can't do that now. He's going to be your brother Namjoon. Jin has to be off limits to you."

I really wish she'd stop calling him that. I couldn't bare to think of it. The way I thought about Jin wasn't anything like the way siblings thought about each other and it's not like it even started when he moved in here anyway. Jin had been important to me long before mum met Seokjin's dad.

Jin wasn't like any of the boys I had been with before, I didn't want to just have him for the night. I wanted to have him for as long as he'd let me.

Mum carried on, talking about the shitty way I'd treated Jin over the years but she'd needn't bothered, I beat myself up about it enough already.

I hated it. I hated I was so desperate to push him away by any means I had intentionally caused him so much pain. I even did it after he moved in here when I pushed him up against the sink.

I had seen him that day and I couldn't believe he was there, he was in my house, in my bathroom, inches away from the bed I had laid in so many times thinking about him.

I couldn't cope even looking at him. I'd tried to make him hate me so he'd stay away from me and maybe then I could control myself but it was too much to ask. Resisting how I felt about him was futile.

Mum stumbled in her heels and walked to the hall to take them off. I know she loves Hyunjin and I know how protective he is over Jin. I didn't know how to feel, would he really take him away and leave mum if he found out about us?

I needed to talk to him, explain how I felt, how I could never and would never hurt Jin again, that I'd protect her just like he would mum. He had to understand.

Mum came back in, I see the tears that she had tried to dry had left lines in her otherwise flawless make up. I could see the fear in her eyes, fear I recognised after seeing it so many times before.

"I can't lose him Namjoon. After I left your dad I was broken. I had you going off the rails and Jungkook was still a baby and completely dependent on me. I had no support, no family to help me. I felt completely alone. Then Hyunjin came into my life. He saved me, he made me smile again and feel safe for the first time in my life. He put the shattered pieces of me back together and I wouldn't survive him letting them go again. You have to promise me Namjoon that you'll stop, not just for me but for the poor innocent boy that has no idea what he could be getting himself into. Promise me?"

What the fuck am I supposed to do now?