His Heart And Her Rhythm

Chapter 15

After Ages,

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(Unedited)

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"Eallarum ovvoru maara solraanga.. Innaiki En Appa kooda apdithan solraaru. Naa enna panrathu, Ashwin? " She asked, frustrated and dejected.

"Un ishtam." Ashwin replied ; absentminded

"Na ungalta than pesuran. Do you even know how important this is, in our relationship. Infact namma relationship further ah kondu pogurathum intha vishayam than. Ana neenga, oru care um illama irukeenga , What's up with you, Ashwin ?" She asked losing her patience.

"Nothing. Na kelamburen." Ashwin replied quickly, turning to leave.

She pulled his left arm, placed her tiny palms on his shoulders, lifted his chin and made him look into her sincere eyes, and said,
"Yaaru enna sonnalum, Na ungala namburen Ashwin. Enna Vida ungala namburen. Neenga entha thappum panniruka mateenga nu enaku theriyum. I trust you, Ashwin ; I trust you with my life and beyond." She confessed, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it gently to make him stable.

There was remorse, guilt , betrayal , nervousness and sadness in Ashwin's eyes, He must confess atleast now, He can't continue to break her trust, He has to reveal the truth, She deserves to know the truth, he can't keep feeding her lies and lies, He is even ready to lose her; forever.

"Ka-kan-kannamma.. Enaku - Enaku epdi solrathu nu th-theriyala, Sivaangi Maa-"

Cut! The director bellowed.

"Ashwin, you had done a wonderful job but kannamma and Sivaangi Maa namma script la kedayathu. Neenga venumna again dialogue revise pannikonga." The director appreciated and then teased Ashwin.

"Break", The director informed his crew members.

After retreating to his caravan, Ashwin was in remorse. He finally wants to voice out all his vulnerable feelings, he had bottled within himself. He wanted a burst , cry out , share and seek help but never justify his actions to Sivaangi. He doesn't want to justify his actions when in restrospection, he wasn't proud of it either. But His Kannamma deserves a proper explanation for all that he has put her through. For the first time, Ashwin accepted his conscience without analysing the pros and cons.

"Ashwin, ready ah?" The director questioned.

Taking a deep breath, exhaling all his personal problems, inhaling his character role, Ashwin confidently replied in affirmation.

Silence . Pitch Dark Room . Pin drop silence , greeted the tired Ashwin. His heavy eye bags and stiff legs, made a way to his bed on their own accord and slumped into bed. Just as sleep  kissed his eyes, his eyes shot open by the rumbling sound of his stomach. He had voluntarily skipped his lunch and dinner due to his lack of appetite.

Tiredly, Ashwin stripped out of his black track and white tee , showered and dressed into his comfortable grey sweatpants. Yawning, Ashwin made his way into the hotel room's tiny kitchen and savoured a couple of toasts and some warm milk.

By the time, he retreated back to his bed, his sleep was long gone. Flashes and Images of that day, haunted Ashwin. He could still hear Her screams and cries. The strong, composed and Calm Ashwin had felt his heart broke into an infinite pieces and prayed that the earth would swallow him up. Ashwin still in guilt, still in his mourning phase; couldn't even cry. He felt inhuman. He felt numb. He felt disgusted with himself.

Exactly three days before, As Ashwin was enjoying his last days in Chennai before the commencement of his second schedule in Mirzapur; Sivaangi barged into his home and demanded answers to certain questions  , the questions Ashwin keep running away from.