I am safe

What broke Tae to pieces Part 7

A/N: past trauma, mention of self harm, child abuse, drugs. If you don't like this, please skip this part

After they got out of the fancy clothes, Tae lent JK a tracksuit pant and shirt, they were sitting on the balcony, looking at the Eiffel tower. Tae closed his eyes for a while, thinking deep. JK saw but decided to keep quiet. He promised Tae patience, and he needs to honour that promise.

Tae finally looked up, his eyes almost translucent, storms brewing in the grey depths. "When I was 10 years old my dad left with another woman. My mom was this incredibly beautiful woman, but so shallow. Her looks were all she had. My dad left with a little fieldmouse lady, timid and shy, dull as hell, but the sweetest person. Mom went nuts, got to drinking and swearing all the time, would take out her anger on me and my brother." Tae stared into space, JK just looked at him, having no words, but feeling that this is finally it, Tae is telling him how he got so broken and for some reason, he felt extreme angst, not knowing where the story is going. In almost a whisper Tae continued "When I was 12 she got involved with a drug dealer, started using. I used to see him staring at me, telling me to sit on his lap, but my brother always took me away. A week after I turned 14, my mom came home after 3 days, high out of her mind, grabbed my arm and locked me in my room. When I screamed what the hell was going on, she said the drug dealer will write off her debt if she gave him me." Tae stopped talking, his face completely blank, void of any emotion. JK felt tears falling down his cheeks, but did not move to wipe them off, not wanting to draw attention and make Tae stop from talking. "After about 10 min of me screaming, the door was unlocked and the bastard came into my room. He locked the door behind him. I tried to get away.... I screamed.... I begged.... He just laughed and told me in no uncertain terms what he was going to do to me..... I will never repeat those vulgar words." Tae stopped, his voice turning to ice. Jk felt bile rising in his throat, was barely breathing, his eyes fixed in horror. Tae took a shuddering breath and continued, in the same emotionless voice as before. " He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him, while I was kicking and screaming. His pushed his hand in the back of my pants, grabbing me, just when I thought that my worst nightmare was becoming a reality, the door smashed open and the bastard was lying on the floor with blood all over his face. My brother came to save me, he smashed a vase over the fuckers head." JK has never seen such an evil grin on a person. He felt fingers of ice running down his back. But still he kept quiet, it was like Tae didn't even know he was there, he was so caught up in his personal hell. " We ran to Jimin's house. I didn't know, but Jimin's mom knew about what was going on, my brother and Jimin's mom and dad has been making plans to get me out, it just needed to happen sooner. While in the shower I took a cheese grater and tried to grate my skin and flesh of my bum where his hands touched. Jimin found me standing in blood in the shower. They took me to hospital to get treated and then home. I slept in Jimin's arms that night, and he held me as I screamed with fear in my dreams. He just held me and let me cry and scream, till I nearly choked. I stayed with Jimin's family, they treated me like their own son, Jimin and I have been friends for a long time. I went back to school, my brother got a full scholarship so he went to uni. I tried, but the nightmare stayed with me every second. Was I so bad that my mom would sell me to a paedophile, was I worth nothing to her? Just a burden on my brother and Jimin's family. I needed to go away forever..... So I started biding my time when I can end my life. After about 3 months, I saw that bastard one day while going home with Jimin, he whistled at me and made vulgar comments, telling me my mom still owes him and I need to pay up. That night after everyone went to sleep I swallowed a handful of pills, trying to end it all, I was frightened out of my skull that mosnster would get me, he will come and find me. Jimin, who knew me so well, knew I was going to try, he found me and the ambulance was already on the way. I did not die" Tae's voice almost sounded sad, like he was sorry he did not succeed. JK could not comprehend what Tae must have felt. "That was the first try of many. And always Jimin or his mom or dad, or my brother would find me in time. 2 weeks after my 15th I finally had the perfect chance. Jimin's parents were out, Jimin fell asleep on the bed studying for an exam. I locked my door, went into my bathroom and locked that door as well. I sat on the floor and took the serrated edge steak knife I took from the kitchen, and started cutting my wrists, sawing at the skin and vessels. " Tae lifted both wrists, still covered with the leather wrist band, one hand making sawing motions on the other wrist. JK was horrified, tears flowing like a waterfall, but still he made no sound, didn't move.

" How Jimin broke down two doors I will never know, he found me on the floor in a pool of blood, wrists looking as if a shark gnawed on them, I was already unconscious. I don't know how he got the blood stopped, I don't know how he got me in my room, I don't know when he called the ambulance..... " Tae let his head fall to his chest, tears finally coming out of those grey eyes, rolling down his cheeks. " I woke up after 4 days. Screaming at everyone why didn't they let me go." They had to sedate me. When I woke up again, on my bed sat the weirdest looking person I have ever seen, grey long hair, arms full of tattoos, biggest smile in the world, yes, definitely one crazy ass lady. She was my psychologist" Tae had a breathy giggle, shaking his head slightly. "she started chatting with me about anything and everything, it took days but finally she got through and I started talking.... I think I so much needed to tell someone, someone who would not pity me, I could not take any more pity. When I was released after another week, she came to fetch me, with these two leather wrist band, to cover the wounds, so people would not stare. She took me that same day and I got my first ear piercings and my belly ring" Tae smiled faintly, pulling up his shirt and looking at the belly ring. " the next week she took me for my tattoo. Yes, I was just over 15 years old, but her way of therapy was unconventional and not according to the books. My brother agreed. And it worked. On my 16th birthday she took me for more ear piercings and the next step on my tattoo, on my 17th continuing my tattoo. On my 18th, she took me to my brother, and we had the greatest time. She taught me to live with scars, to look for the small things to make me happy. I still see her once a month" Tae finally looked up, straight into Jungkook's eyes, which were wet with tears. Tae very slowly moved his hand closer to Jungkook's, where it was lying palm up on his knees. JK didn't move, didn't breathe hard, sat still like a statue...... waiting. He could feel Tae's fingers touching the tips of his. Tae's whole attention was on JK's hand and his own. Millimetre at a time, Tae moved his hand to touch more of JK's. JK could here Tae's breath catch at the small contact. Tae finally looked up again, eyes wide and biting his lip nervously. "Tae, I cannot comprehend the hell you went through, I cannot comprehend that your mom did this to you. But I can see you standing up, I can see you being a success in your life, I can see you being happy." JK very slowly closed his own fingers over Tae's, softly, not wanting to scare Tae. "Kim Taehyung, you are an amazing human, with so many gifts and so many people you touch with your smile, laughter and art. You are exceptional, and I am proud to know you." JK looked into Tae's eyes while speaking. Tae sobbed and tears ran down his face, suddenly clutching onto JK's hand as if it was his lifeline keeping him from drowning. JK held his hand and kept on saying soothing words while Tae cried his heart out. After some 15 minutes, Tae finally could control himself. He looked into JK's eyes with a small smile. " Jeon Jungkook, you make it so easy to fall in love with you." JK's eyes went as big as saucers, and he blushed red as a tomato. Smiling his bunny smile he said softly " are you in love with me Tae? cause I sure as hell am crazy in love with you" Well, the rest of the evening were spent under the stars in Paris, small talk, slight joking and avoiding the awkwardness of the revelations. The whole time JK held Tae's hand, not letting go. And for Tae, this was a huge step, a massive step, trusting someone and yes, finally feeling a bit safe.