Help Me, Also Included Angsty Ghost Oneshots

🖤🖤

Okay this is everything I remember from when my brother groomed me from the ages of approximately 6-8 years old. Also some of these thing light not have happened because my brain loves to create false memories and trauma to make me even more traumatised but there still traumating for me so imma write them. But I know he did do this and also my mum and school told me it was my fault and my mum still refuses to believe her little (well not so little now he's 20) boy could do wrong. (Also he's older than me)

Also I still live with him and always did since then and no therapist saw me afterwards or anything. But he is nice and everyone pretends it didn't happen while I have flash backs lime once a week and cry my eyes out.

First time anything happened.
Like I said this light not be how it happened but this is how I remember it. (Also I have like very bad memory die to two separate conditions and maybe also dissociative amnesia.)

"You have to sleep in Jack's bed tonight while we sort your bedroom out." My mum says and I probably sighed. "Okay." I say and then go into his room. I get in bed in just my nighty. I was six so I didn't wear underwear to bed yet. It was a new one I got for Christmas it said something funny on it to do with santa. I laid down and tried to fall asleep and he was already in bed. It was about eleven pm because of something that day so I was tired. "Hey wanna see something?" He asked and I obviously said yes, what six year old doesn't want to see something described as interesting. He then put his hand on my thigh and then moved it further up until it was touching my privates. "What are you doing?" I ask and he shushes me. "It feels good doesn't it." He says and I nod scared.

He keeps touching me for a few minutes and then takes his hand away. "Go to sleep and dont tell mum." He says and I try to sleep and dont tell my mum. Idk if I did that night.

A different time. And the last one I remember but I know it happened more than this.

"Mum cam I sleep on the sofa bed?" I ask. My brother had just gotten a new sofa bed and I wanted to try it out. Well actually the reason was is he had taught me it was a good thing and I now wanted him to touch me. I didn't know it was wrong. "Not tonight you have school." She says and I frown. "Pleaseeeeee." I whine and she shouts at me no.

Later that week after asking every day she let me on a Saturday night. I ran into his room with my teddy and sat in his bed and watched him on the play station for a few hours. When he got in bed I think he was wearing only boxers and I was wearing a nighty again. (It's the only pj's I had at the time). He laid there for a few seconds and I thought he wasn't going to do anything but then he shifted. He lifted up my nighty and touched me again and then he did that for a few minutes. (I think this next part didn't really happen but I can't be certain). "Wanna try something new?" He asked and I nodded. He grabbed my hand and then put it over his boxers (underwear) and started using my hand to palm himself and he may have even took his dick out idk.

Okay thats it for my brother touching me without my knowing what was happening. I'm gonna make a part with everytime that I remember being made to do something sexual without me knowing what the fuck I was doing so idk if it's classed as SA coz most of them didn't require me being touched by someone else.