This Life

Chapter 4

**Lizzy**

"I had a crush on Jax anyway."

Those words echoed in my mind; I glanced over at Jax to see his eyes widen. I regretted the words, but only because it left me vulnerable.

I couldn't help, but protect Op. Donna was staring daggers into him. The look of a woman scorned by a man who did her wrong.

Eventually, after more reassuring and finally a break in whatever icey heart Donna seems to have; they said their goodbyes. Op kissing Donna sweetly on the forehead as she continued her aggravated expression. She didn't like being here from the looks of it, and hated Jax even more.

Jax later explained to me that Op had actually just gotten out of prison yesterday. He was locked up for 5 years after something had gone wrong, but Jax didn't explain what. Just that Donna was pissed that for the last 5 years she's been without help, and the debt they've incurred is too great for even the MC to give a bit of a helping hand.

Silence grew between us. Knowing his stance now with his separated wife, it made me feel better when I linked arms with him yet again, and held his hand.

I like this. More than I probably should.

We watched as couples left. Most of them were tangled into each other, kissing, or holding hands. Some were barely able to keep their clothes on as their cars began to sway and bounce.

I spotted Juice with a small and very curvy woman with long jet black hair that covered her heavily tattooed shoulders. He didn't see me staring at him as they left, but hey a catch is a catch.

"I didn't think you'd admit it," I shot a look at Jax.

Breaking the contact with him, and straddling the bench. "Admit what?" I shrugged it off as I went to the cooler; inspecting it for another drink.

"Don't act dumb. You know what I mean." Jax's voice growled. He inhaled deeply on a cigarette he had just lit. The sweet earthy smell of cowboy-killers or Marlboro Reds filled my nose. "Not like anyone didn't notice back then."

I couldn't help, but roll my eyes. "Why does it matter?" I snared - it wasn't like it mattered anyway. Thankfully, there were two more shitty beers inside the little red cooler. I tossed it over his way, and went back to straddling the bench.

Jax's face flashed with a quick smile. "Gee, I don't know. Maybe, there were those 10 or 15 times we kissed?!" He was just as interested in this game as I am. Jax's hand found its way to my thigh, resting it there he looked straight into my soul.

"You counted?!" I teased.

Jax's face flushed another hue of pinks and reds. "I didn'-" he groaned with frustration. I think the alcohol was getting to him. "What I'm trying to say is," he blew a thick cloud of smoke away from me, cleaning his throat. "The feelings are mutual."

The words that were left hanging on my tongue were: "No fucking way" and "Are?" He phrased it as if he still had a crush on me now, or I guess in a more grown up way of saying it is; he still had feelings for me.

His murky blue eyes flicked from my eyes to my lips. I brought moisture back to my lips; biting them nervously. I'm sure it was a sight to see from his point of view. Jax seemed to have gotten the message, even if I hadn't spoken yet. I did try. The words were just a little hard to form.

"You had a weird way of showing it, Teller."

As teens we'd get into fights about our "relationship." We had started getting into heavier makeout sessions; which left me feeling confused. We'd kiss and do cute couple stuff in private. In public, Jax would flirt with other girls. I always thought he wanted me for the physical acts, and nothing more. Looking back, we were just young. We didn't understand what all of it meant; at least I didn't. I saw him as my Prince Charming that was going to take me to dances and sweep me off my feet one day.