ʟᴇᴛ'ꜱ ʙᴇ ᴅᴇʟᴜʟᴜ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ ꔫ ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇꜱ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴀꜱᴏɴ ᴛʜᴀᴍᴇꜱ

'Cause it's not romantic, I swear

It's hard for me to communicate the thoughts that I hold.

That I can't be open not even to my best friend.

I was on my phone while seated in the dining area of the Thames. Brooke was at the Kitchen preparing pancakes for us. She declined my help when I offered it, telling me to take it easy because I had training later.

I let her prepare the pancakes on her own as I don't want to be pushy. I scrolled through Instagram and see how my classmates were on vacation right now or doing something productive, while I was just here, sat at my friend's house doing absolutely nothing.

I sighed, how can I be so- so.... unsuccessful or lazy.

Brooke finished the pancakes and placed the lot on the table I was seated on. She placed it in front of my face "Eat up, Marshmallow".

"Why did you call me that?" I asked with a disgusted and confused expression on my face. I stood up and took two forks and two plates for us both before sitting down and placing the utensils on the table.

"Well because" she started, sitting down and bringing her plate closer to hers and taking a fork. "You know, marshmallows, they're soft and sweet. Like you." she explained taking two pancakes and pinching my cheek.

"You think Im soft and sweet?" I asked raising an eyebrow, containing my laugh before doing the same. I took three pancakes and ate it on its own, without syrup, while Brook ate it with Maple syrup.

"Yeah..well you act all tough and strong on the outside" she paused "but in reality" she stood up walking to me pinching my cheeks "you're all soft and sweet inside, kind of like.. a roasted marshmallow".

She went back to her sit, smiling to herself. I gave her a confused look and then I finally understood what she meant. "Ohh...do..I act tough?" I asked. I don't recall acting tough all of the time. Maybe sometimes, but it's because I needed to.

"Always" she chuckled. Huh, maybe I do act tough all the time, I just don't notice it because I do it always, like it's normal for me.

"Oh" I said with a tiny laugh as I continued eating my pancakes. Me and Brooke finished our breakfast and then decided to watch a few shows on Netflix at their living room.

"What should we watch?" Brooke asked as she collapsed into the couch, I laugh a little at that action. I sat beside her, and she puts her arm around my shoulder. "Well, I haven't watched 'Anne with an E' yet." I answered.

"Oh yes, we could watch that" she said as she got up. "Where are you going?" I asked tilting my head in confusion.

"Getting us some snacks" she said as she ran off towards their kitchen. I just sat here in the couch again, thinking about..life.

Oh what is life.

My life just sucks.

I miss being genuinely happy without any worries at all.  My life just feels like hanging on a building. That if I let go, I would completely break. Which what will technically happen if you fall from a building.

I sat there, zoned out, thinking about.. what I could do to bring back my happiness in life. My unstable mental health needs to go, I need therapy but at the same I don't want it. I keep daydreaming every time, sometimes I think I'm a maladaptive daydreamer.... ever since I was kid.

At first, I loved the idea of daydreaming, the idea of living in your head, in your imaginations. And that no one can stop you from doing so. But now, that I been doing in every minute, I feel like I should stop.

But I can't, it's so hard to stop. I've been daydreaming every time that I can't even keep up with school. I always do my assignments late and passing in late, I always cram last minute. Even if I do manage to finish it last minute, the stress and regret is bugging me, and that feeling is unfortunate.