Death Notes

Doomsday

~

"I'd like to start planning my funeral. I've got work to do."

July, 2007

I know this game can only end in death. I suppose the real question is this: whose death? Will it be my death or his? I suspect a small part of me has always known the answer and never exactly wanted to deal with it. This small part of me has been growing larger for the past few days, and I suspect it is because options are becoming more limited.

Light and I are playing a game where the rules are unwritten, and both of us are pretending we know exactly what we're doing. The truth is that neither of us know what we are doing, making it so much more dangerous. Light breaks laws regarding life and death, a balance I would imagine to be incredibly delicate and also more structured, without any regards for the consequences. Although, I suppose if Light can easily break laws regarding life and death, these rules must be incredibly flexible or simply nonexistent. I'm not sure if one is better than the other.

As a child, I believed in Free Will. There had been no higher powers, no god to write out the script for me. My life was a blank canvas and I held the paintbrush. I could choose to attend mass at the Catholic church Watari went to, or I could choose to sit in the window and stare at the kids playing in the yard, contemplating life. I could do great things or terrible ones. I had the ability to make my own decisions, and there wasn't a higher power that could change that. At least, I had thought that way until I met Beyond Birthday. He laughed at the thought of Free Will, telling me that something had mapped out our fates. Something had given us death dates, and Beyond was able to see them. Something gave us a true name. My first thought had been to dismiss him, but he knew my name. None it matters now anyways. Beyond has been dead for a while, and I'm still here, at least until Light figures out my name.

I know that he'll figure it out sooner rather than later. I haven't figured out how he will learn my name, only that he will. I'm not sure that I could stop him even if I knew. Part of me wants to stop him, and the other part of me is too tired to really care. I've always known I would die young, and I like Light— I refuse to acknowledge any further feelings I have about him, even though I know they are impairing my judgement.

I've revised my funeral plans a few times. When I first took on the case, I worried Kira would be able to kill me much sooner. I knew that Kira had limitations, but with Kira's constant evolution, I chose to be safe rather than sorry. I wanted to make sure that if I suddenly died, everything would be in order. The world will never be able to know when I die, and it's my responsibility to make sure that the succession happens smoothly.

Near, Matt, and Mello are still my heirs, and if I had it my way, the three of them would inherit the L title together. Matt and Mello are already incredibly close, and I suspect their bond may not be completely platonic. The problem arises with Mello and Near. Both of them are stubborn, strong-headed boys locked in an argument about who will be the better L. When I ask if they ever work together, Roger tells me no and that trying to get them to work together is futile. I want the three of them to succeed. They are the closest thing I have to family, aside from Watari. I want the three of them to successfully take down Kira in the event that I cannot. I know that this won't happen, but I would like it to.

My money is set to be split between the following: Near, Mello, and Matt, with a portion going to fund the foundation Watari set up. As much as I'd like to leave money to the Kira investigation, I know I cannot. Light would be entrusted with that money, and that would defeat the whole purpose. With no one to audit the money or even dare question Light's spending habits, it would undoubtedly end up funding one of Kira's schemes. No one would ever know, everyone too afraid to even dare imply that Light might not be trustworthy. My heirs may be young, but I trust them more than I trust Light. I trust practically anyone over Light. My money should be spent on helping the world, and Light's idea of helping the world contradicts mine. My heirs will get a lot of money, as I don't want a big funeral.