Moments of Literature: Cosmic Cathartic

Pride In Lyrics-Follow Your Arrow

Sunday-November 4th

Dear Diary,

Diary, I think I might...not be straight anymore.  I don't know.  It just doesn't feel like a term to describe me.  Not after these past few weeks.  Or since I started falling in love with female characters on t.v. and caught feelings for one of the popular girls in my grade.  I still like boys though, don't get me wrong.  It's just, I might like girls too.  I haven't told anyone this though, because I don't know how'd they react.

Or how they would feel about.  I also haven't told my crush Christie that I like her.  Mostly because I don't know how she'd feel about it either.....

Monday-November 5th

Dear Diary,

My friends have noticed that I've been acting differently lately.  How I've been staring off into space more and stare at Christie and her friends every time they walk by.  They think it's because I have a crush on Christie's friend Archie though.  I just lied to them and said that I did to avoid the truth.  Mostly because I didn't want to tell them the truth.  I just hope they don't go around telling anyone about this though.

It would be awful if everyone thought I actually like Archie.  It would probably hurt his feelings.

Tuesday-November 6th

Dear Diary,

Today my science teacher gave us a one-week assignment to do with a partner.  And out of all of the twenty-five kids in my class she assigned me with Christie.  What luck.  The whole time she was acting weird around me too.  Giving me strange looks, spilling things near me, and scribbling a bunch of notes I took with black pen.  Maybe that's her way of telling me to buzz off.  

Maybe it wasn't right for me to fall for a girl.  Maybe I should've just stuck with guys and not have dragged Christie into this emotional tornado.

Wednesday-November 7th

Dear Diary,

I haven't been able to sleep properly these last few weeks diary.  I've been too busy processing my newfound emotions and situation.  How I first fell in love with a young actress on t.v., then fell in love with Christie, then realized that I started liking girls.  It was all very confusing for me.  The worst thing about it though was because I had no one to talk to about this to.  Mostly because none of my family members had had any similar experiences.

Nor had any of my friends.  So it felt like I was alone in all of this.

Thursday-November 8th

Dear Diary,

My friends keep teasing me about liking Archie.  They always talk about how much they ship us and always get my attention every time he walks by.  I always get a bad feeling in my stomach everytime it happens though.  Like I just ate a bunch of rocks.  Things with me and the science experiment haven't gotten any better either.  Everyday it seems like Christie keeps acting weirder and things keep getting worse.

Sometimes I wonder if things will even ever get better.  Sometimes I wonder if people will know the truth about me.  That their sweet little Sammy had fallen for a girl.

Friday-November 9th

Dear Diary,

I don't think I can go on much more like this diary.  It's hard to keep such a big secret like this, especially from all my friends and family.  So I decided to talk about it with my trusted history teacher, Mr. Ray.  I didn't go into specific details though, but Mr. Ray said he had similar experience growing up when he had figured out that he was gay in his senior year of highschool, which made me feel a little better.