fuckboy

awake

it was 4am now, i'd been awake nearly three hours thinking about bella.

why did i care so much about some stupid fucking ravenclaw girl?

i couldn't sleep.

i couldn't sleep not knowing that i might never have her sleeping beside me again.

so i didn't.

i got up and started to write a letter for her.

i don't know why writing a letter was the first thought that came to mind, but i couldn't just talk to her anymore - things were different now.

i had written two pages already and still, i hadn't said anything i needed to.

i was so sure this would be easier than it was.

i thought that maybe me being in my room where i'd spent so long with her was stopping me from writing what i wanted to say, so i picked up my book and pen and walked into the common room, which to my surprise, wasn't empty.

maya was sat in a chair in front of the fireplace, wiping tears away from under her eyes.

"maya?" i asked, confused at why she'd even be out here this late, i assumed everyone else would be asleep.

she sniffled panicked, and her eyes widened, "oh my god theo, i'm just about to go to bed," she said shakily.

"no you're not," i replied, noticing that the top of her dress was wet with tears, "what's wrong?"

"what do you mean what's wrong? i'm fine"

"you don't look fine"

she rolled her eyes, annoyed but also disappointed at my apparent disapproval ,"i thought this dress was cute"

"hey, you know that's not what i meant"

i looked her up and down, she was wearing a dark red dress, it was cut low and had a slit halfway up her thigh.

it was doing a lot for her body.

"you look good maya."

she smiled at me then sighed, "billy granger told everyone we hooked up," she said slowly, "and now everyone thinks i'm a total freak."

she stood up, "no one thinks you're a freak maya," i said reassuring her.

i stepped a bit closer to her, "i wouldn't have had sex with a freak."

she smiled unconvincingly, "come here" i said as i wiped the last tear from under her eye and hugged her, my arms resting on her shoulders.

"so, was billy any good?" i asked as my lips twitched, trying to hide a smile that i only got around maya.

she pulled out of our hug then looked up at me, her face not as tense as before. "shut up riddle," she said, her voice hushed.

"or what?" i asked her quietly, looking back down at her.

•••

i couldn't sleep.

i rolled over and checked the clock next to valerie's bed; 4am.

why the fuck was i awake.

i had tried everything to get to sleep, i even tried doing herbology homework, that usually gets me, but no.

i was still wide awake.

fin has been a good distraction, but maybe now he wasn't enough to take my mind off mattheo.

still, i tried thinking about fin again, seeing if that would give me something to dream about, and it nearly worked, until blaise opened our dorm door and got into valerie's bed.

i couldn't stay in here.

i left and went into the common room, which was empty except for one chair.

fin.

he turned when he heard my door shut.

"bella?" he asked, obviously drunk from the quidditch teams 'end of season party' which was really just an excuse to drink because in actuality, the season had just begun.

"fin? why are you still out here?"

"i'm too awake to be asleep bella, what about you?"

"can't sleep either, i'm gonna go for a walk though."

"no, stay with me," he stood up and stumbled over to me, " i wanted to see you anyway."

"i'll be back soon, i promise."

i knew where my walk was going to take me.

but i didn't know how to not end up there.

so i went.

                                          •••

mayas eyes looked straight up into mine, and her breaths slowed, becoming heavier.

i put her hair behind her ear, and my hand rested on her waist.

i leaned down slowly, kissing her lips, which were still damp from her tears.

she pulled away, "theo don't," i kissed her again, cutting off her sentence.

"why not?" i continued to kiss her, "what if i don't want to?"

i paused, asking "do you want me to?" my hand cupping her cheek.

she shook her head before she kissed me again, more desperately than before, her hands in my hair and mine on her back.

my letter to bella had crumpled into a ball in my hand and it fell to the floor.

i didn't care about that anymore.

                                       •••

i had spent ten minutes in the third floor toilets pretending i needed to pee.

but although i was trying to divert myself, i ended up outside the door i knew i would end up outside of.

the door into the slytherin common room was tall and had snake details around it, and it was darker than all the other doors in the building.

i twisted the handle and pushed the door open slowly, stepping only slightly onto the cobbled floor of the common room, poking my head around the door.

two people were in there, standing by the lit fireplace, the only light in the room.

hard to make out at first, but then i realised that these two people were familiar to me.

maya and theo.