Reap What You Sow 🌈

Chapter 36

Adam's fingers were clamped around the edge of the toilet seat he was kneeling in front of. The waves of vomit kept coming, he felt like he had been sitting there for hours. Sweat was on his forehead, the taste in his mouth was horrible.

When finally nothing more came out, he sank to the side until his cheek rested against the cold wall. He closed his eyes; although he had just got out of bed, he felt exhausted.

"Are you okay?" 

Adam's embarrassment made his cheeks glow. Rory had first knelt beside him and rubbed between his shoulder blades, but Adam had wanted him to leave because he didn't want his boyfriend to see him like this, with vomit on his chin while making noises that would make Rory gag too.

He nodded silently and stood up, his legs shaky. He washed his face and brushed his teeth, and still, he didn't dare to look at Rory. His memories of the previous night were not all sharp, but he remembered snippets he was now ashamed of. He knew Rory had not liked him at all; in fact, he had found him annoying. There was a gnawing pain in his stomach. He stumbled back to his bedroom and saw on his alarm clock that it was six-thirty. The mattress dipped and Rory laid down beside him.

Had he persuaded Rory to stay the night here? Had he really wanted to? He also remembered Emilio... Had he been in his house too? He turned onto his side. Rory was lying on his back, and after a brief hesitation, Adam put an arm around him and laid his head on his chest. It was as if Rory was more distant than usual. He wasn't really sure what made him feel that way, but it just felt different, and again the fear of losing him flared up. It worsened his nausea and he clamped his lips together.

Rory fell asleep again, his chest rising and falling steadily. Adam listened to the beating of his heart, his skin feeling warm under his cheek. It felt unreal to be lying in a bed with Rory like this. He had expected it to take a very long time before they took that step. All they were wearing were their boxer shorts and it gave him a sour feeling. The first time he saw Rory without pants, was when he was puking into the toilet.

Adam closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep too. However, he kept seeing flashes of the evening. Emilio and Rory singing and rapping together on stage. A colored pill. A heated kiss in a dim room, their shirts lying around their feet, hands exploring his upper body. Lights, laughter. Purple hair. People, hundreds of people around him. His head started pounding again, he got hot and detached himself from Rory since his warmth only heated him up. He rolled onto his other side and stared at the light streaming between the curtains.

Somehow he must have fallen asleep because he woke up a few hours later, when he felt lips on his shoulder blade, which then moved up an inch. He looked over his shoulder and felt immense relief when Rory smiled at him.

"You're feeling better?"

"Yes," he said softly. "The nausea is gone."

Rory slid closer to him so that he felt his warm upper body against his back. Rory's waist so close to him made him blush and he hardly dared to move. His hand slid over Rory's, resting on his midriff. With his thumb, he stroked Rory's knuckles. For a while, they stayed like that, yet Adam eventually turned to his boyfriend.

"I was terrible yesterday wasn't I?" He said softly. Embarrassed, he dropped his gaze. 

Rory sighed. Absentmindedly, his fingers wandered over Adam's chest. "You were very present and I couldn't leave you alone for a moment."

"Sorry."

Rory's hand shifted to his face and he lifted his chin slightly, making Adam look up. "Emilio said you were high."

Although he did not turn his head away, Adam could not bring himself to look at his friend. He had hoped Rory would never find out.

"Do you use drugs often?" Rory's voice made clear that he couldn't really believe that.

"No," he muttered. "It was the first time. I just wanted to loosen up a bit."

"Why?"

He shrugged quietly. "I was afraid you would find me boring," he said softly. "I just... wanted you to find me sociable. It was stupid."

"Yeah." Rory sighed, then intertwined his fingers with Adam's. "I like you the way you are, Adam. I know you're not as spontaneous as others, but that doesn't matter to me."

"I just wanted to dare to sing. Dare to talk to unknown people."

"Baby..." Rory caught his gaze. "We can karaoke at home until you feel confident enough to do it in public. We can talk to strangers together so that it makes you feel more comfortable. You don't need to take drugs for that, do you? That doesn't really change you."

"I know that," he muttered. He pinched his lips and took a deep breath before continuing. "But all night I felt like I had to prove myself to you. That you would like me more than Emilio. I didn't know that pill would have such a strong effect, I thought it would just loosen me up a bit."

"How did you get that pill, anyway?"

Adam sighed, knowing it would anger Rory. "You were doing karaoke with Emilio. Mateo came to me and... said you had such obvious chemistry, and that I needed to loosen up a bit if I wanted you to stay with me. Those were thoughts already running through my head, but he seemed to read it off my face. He said he had something to help me, and then he gave me that pill."

"What an asshole," Rory growled. "I don't understand how Emilio can be friends with someone like that."

"I think he genuinely wanted to help me."

"He didn't. He just wanted to annoy me because he's angry that I didn't give Emilio a second chance." Rory supported his head with one hand as he looked at him. His other hand slid over Adam's stomach, and the caress made it difficult for him to keep his attention on his words. His breathing faltered as Rory's fingertip slid above the edge of his boxer, circling up from there around his navel. "I like you the way you are, Adam. I'm sorry if I made you doubt that." He placed a soft kiss on his lips. "I really like you," he said, moving his mouth slightly between each word. Adam raised his hand and stroked his fingers through Rory's blonde locks.

"I really like you too," he whispered. Adam felt like he was dreaming when Rory started kissing him tenderly and slowly lowered himself on top of him. His hands slid hesitantly along Rory's sides as their upper bodies pressed together and he felt his cheeks glow as his body responded. He gasped as he also felt Rory's arousal.

Wasn't this wrong? Was this not far too early, to be on top of each other like this?

Rory didn't seem to be plagued by doubts, as the kiss intensified, and it was as if surges of electricity went through his entire body. Adam combed his fingers through Rory's hair, trying to kiss him back with more conviction. Still, though, he was afraid of doing something wrong; he was afraid Rory didn't find him exciting enough, and he just couldn't get that thought out of his head.

. . .

By the first kiss, Rory had already forgiven Adam. The boy had meant no harm, and Rory should have been more aware of his insecurity.

"You wanna get some breakfast?" Rory asked after they had kissed in such a way that he actually wanted more than just kissing Adam's upper body. However, they had not discussed boundaries yet and he could tell that Adam was nervous. And he was too, he had to admit. He was actually a little overwhelmed by the passion he was feeling and the desires it was fuelling.

He grinned as his boyfriend sat up straight, his cheeks still colored by a blush. Rory slid off the bed and gathered his clothes from yesterday. Adam too got up and pulled open his wardrobe.

"Do you want to shower?" asked Adam. "I  have a towel for you."

"Are you coming with me then?" Rory teased.

The boy stiffened and looked over his shoulder uncertainly. Rory crossed the distance between them, put his hands on his hips and kissed him reassuringly. "I'm just teasing you. I don't want to rush anything either," he then said, suddenly afraid that Adam might otherwise overstep his boundaries because he wanted to please Rory. Before he wanted to take a step further, he thought it was important that Adam had no more doubts and that Emilio was completely out of the picture.

"But yeah, I could use a shower." He opened a drawer where he suspected Adam's underwear. Adam wasn't that much taller than him, it would fit. "And a clean pair of boxers." He took the towel from Adam, gave him another kiss, and then disappeared into the bathroom.

. . .

Adam hadn't wanted Rory to notice, but he had a dull headache that was now starting to throb. Also, his stomach felt upset. As soon as he was in the kitchen, he knocked back two paracetamol with a glass of water. Although he was not sure he could tolerate the smell of eggs, he wanted to make a slightly more elaborate breakfast than usual now that his boyfriend had stayed over for the first time. He smiled at the thought of how they had spent the past hour and he felt the butterflies racing through his stomach.

Thankfully, he hadn't ruined everything yesterday. He had made a stupid mistake, but Rory was no longer angry and that was a huge relief. As he smashed an egg against the edge of the frying pan, he thought back to the previous evening. He tried to remember things, but there were still only flashes. At least the performance had gone well, he remembered. And...

Suddenly a shock went through him. His violin... where was it? He turned the fire low and walked to his bedroom. It wasn't on his desk, nor was it anywhere against the wall. A little panicked, he searched the living room. Rory wouldn't have forgotten it, right? He'd paid an arm and leg for that instrument, how could he have handled it so carelessly? Would Grace have kept it save for him? 

As soon as Rory stepped into the living room, Adam turned to him, slightly panicked. "My violin... Where did you leave it?"

"Oh, it's still there, I think."

"You think?" he blurted out. The pain suddenly flared sharply through his head again. "What do you mean, 'I think'?!"

"Hey calm down..." Rory frowned slightly. "Of course it's still there. I'm sure Maddie or Grace took it home. I'll give them a call." He pulled out his phone and sighed. "The battery's dead."

Adam glanced at the clock. "They're probably in church now," he said.

"We'll eat something and then go to the complex. Your violin won't go anywhere, we can trust the people there."

"How can you say that? Grace is the only one you know! They hand out drugs there too, you didn't expect that either."

"That was Mateo," Rory muttered, "who doesn't live there."

Mateo. That made the fear that his violin had disappeared ten times more real. "What if he took it? He can make some good money with it and he obviously hates us."

"Emilio won't let that happen."

Adam snorted. Well, that was a nice assurance. 

Rory gently pushed him towards a chair. "Eat first, the drugs aren't out of your system yet. After that, we'll go get your violin."

Adam was no longer hungry, but he still tried to eat the plate Rory had put in front of him as best he could so they could get his violin. 

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