RIVERS POV
The sheets smelt like her, maybe that's why I couldn't sleep. For me, her bed was a pit of misery and longing. I lay there for hours in the dark, facing a spinning ceiling fan with a thousand thoughts clogging my mind.
I just wanted to hold her, to tell her she is safe and make sure she felt it but instead I'm failing.
I've failed her.
The door opened a crack, letting light into the room and I sat up blinking at the little face peeking through the gap.
"Hey." I whispered softly. "Are you okay?"
I knew what she wanted because for her, her mommas bed was a blanket of comfort.
I'll admit, it was really strange and uncomfortable for me on the first night Everly wanted to climb in the bed.
Although I'm her dad, in reality, I was still practically a stranger. So I opted to give her space. She slept in her moms bed, I took the couch. Except she followed me to the couch.
It took me three nights to realise she just didn't want to be alone. Two nights too long if you ask me, I suck at fatherhood.
"I was just checking to see if momma had come back yet." I pulled back the duvet welcoming her into the bed and when she jumped on in I covered us both up. "What is that?"
She pulled the duvet off of my torso and ran her finger across my scar. My whole body shuddered, blood turning to ice as flashbacks of Leighton unfurled in my mind.
I fought the urge to grab her small wrists and squeeze them tight because I loathed every second of her hands being on me.
She lifted her pyjama top and ran a finger across her own scar. "I have one too, from my organ transplant." She stated proudly. "We're the same."
I looked down at the slash right across her belly and my heart sank to the deepest depths. She shouldn't have a mark like that.
"I'm so sorry you have that." I admitted, feeling sad and guilty that her body was just as brutally engraved as my own. Knowing that the insecurities mine has caused me over the years will only come back and haunt her life too.
"I like it." She admitted, surprising me. "My momma tells me it's what makes me truly unique. It's a roadmap of the journey I have been on and it shows how strong and brave I am to have overcome the challenges on the way."
"That is absolutely true." Her words were light and positive, this scar didn't give her body confidence issues. A tribute to how Millie has raised her to know exactly how beautiful and strong she is.
"I like that we're the same, we can be in a secret club, the scar club. It's so cool, we need a special handshake."
"Everly," I wanted to tell her it wasn't the same for me. I hated my scar. Every bad thing in my life spiralled from that moment. My parents death, my whole time in care, Leighton's fight for the company, Millie taken by Hendrix. It wasn't something I wanted to celebrate or actively be reminded of but I couldn't lay all of that on a four year old. Besides, hers made her feel special. I wasn't going to make her possibly doubt that.
I smiled at her, "I'd love to be part of your scar club." She cuddled into me and I wrapped her up in my arms, making sure she felt my protection cocoon all around her. "When is momma coming home?"
I was waiting for that.
The same question day and night.
"Soon." I gave the same answer and I believed it without a single shed of a doubt because I would bring her home. For as long as I lived and breathed, I still had hope. I was still going to try.
