Wildest Dreams ~~~ H.S

Author's Note

hey luvs

im really sorry

like super sorry

i feel awful, and i dont want to do this to you guys

trust me, you all mean the world to me and i love you all SOO much

but i am going to take a break

i dont know how long it will be

maybe two days, maybe two weeks, i dont know

its just that in the past month my life has had a big turning point

i recently got the news that my best friends father died from a heart problem

and last night, i got the news that another one of my close friends dad died too

i am grieving a lot right now

and im still in shock

i really didnt want to have to do this

and it pains me so much to say this

but i need this break

and i hope you can understand that i havent been doing so well in the past month

it hurts to know that i have lost 4 people i am close with in the past year,

and i know that its my fault

i shouldve been nicer

and talked to them more

i just wish i couldve at least had a chance to say goodbye

my best friends dad wasnt as close to me as i wish he was

and i regret not talking to him as much as i should have

i feel so awful

he was a really nice man and he always made me laugh

my other best friends dad was super nice

i talked to him more, and we were pretty close

when they moved, they didnt tell anyone the reason why

it was because he had cancer.

i had no idea until after i heard that he died yesterday

my grandmother died not too long ago as well

i wasnt as close to her as i was with my other grandma and i feel so bad for not wanting to spend more time with her

she broke her hip and died in the hospital and my father had to visit her

i feel so bad that i couldnt visit her as well

and i wish i got closer with her

as a kid i didnt spend as much time with her

but as i got older we became closer

just as i became more mature and able to understand and want to bond with her,

she died.

my cousin also commited suicide. 

she was one of my favorite cousins

she was super sweet and beautiful, and everyone adored her

but her husband divorced her and left her with her son by herself

i dont know where the father is now because he isnt taking care of my second cousin

after she committed suicide, her son and had to live with his grandfather

he was very young and i feel so bad

she was also very young, and didnt live the long and beautiful life that she deserved

so i hope you guys can stick with me here while i try to find myself out of this dark hole that i have been stuck in

i love you guys more than you can imagine and i loved writing this story and for you. you guys make me so happy, and i dont know what i would do without you

please forgive me 🙂

anywhoooo see you whenever next time is luvs ❤️

geez that killed me to say that instead of the usual 'anywhoooo see you soon luvs ❤️'