im not yours

chapter ten - me and felix broke up

hyunjin had a dream that night. after comforting felix for an hour while he cried, bidding him goodnight and retreating back to his room alone, he fell asleep and had a dream.

he dreamed that when he held felix through his sobs, felix looked up at him with teary eyes.

and he kissed him.

when hyunjin awoke from his dream, a part of him he didn't want to admit to was disappointed that he hadn't kissed the boy in actuality. he wasn't sure of when felix came into his room, but he was glad to wake up in the night with felix in his arms. his arm was numb under felix, but he couldn't care less. all he knew was that felix was here with him, and that felix was okay. that was the only thing that mattered to hyunjin at that point.

'do you think it's selfish to only want someone to yourself?' felix's words haunted hyunjin. was it selfish? was that how felix felt towards him? was that what he felt toward felix? to admit that you only want someone to yourself is to admit that you want someone, right? maybe that was the real reason why he always told people he was dating felix. not so they would stay away from him, but so they would stay away from felix.

is it selfish to only want someone to yourself?

hyunjin looked down to the boy in his arms. if that was how felix felt, surely it couldn't be selfish. nothing felix did could be selfish.

he tenderly placed a kiss onto felix head. and another. and another. chasing his dream of kissing felix's rosy lips. hyunjin left one last kiss on felix's freckled nose before stopping himself. his eyes locked onto the boy's lips in front of him. the perfect cupids bow of his top lip, and the soft frown it sat in while the boy slept.

is stealing a kiss from someone as they slept selfish?

no.

he can't.

hyunjin rested his chin atop felix's head and pulled the younger closer to him. hyunjin took comfort in the fact that they fit so perfectly together, and that they always were able to find each other in their sleep. it was nice knowing they kept the same eagerness to hold one another.

but he also knew nothing would be the same for him anymore.

~

hyunjin didn't fall back to sleep that night, and it surprised him when felix started stirring in his arms. suddenly pulled out of his busy mind, he looked to the window to see the sun peeking through. how much time had passed that the night was already gone? how had he not noticed?

"morning." felix's voice was barely more than a grumble. his morning voice lowering even more with the rawness of his throat from his cries the previous night.

"morning," hyunjin looked down and noticed how puffy faced felix still was. cute, but heartbreaking. "feeling any better?" he asked hopefully. hyunjin still didn't know what exactly made felix break down yesterday and wanted to make sure he was okay before asking.

felix responded with a simple, slow nod of his head before laying his head back into hyunjin's chest. maybe now wasn't the best time to ask anyways.

after some time, they both knew they had to get up for work. hyunjin left the bed first while felix laid by himself, searching for hyunjin's lingering body heat in the sheets. once hyunjin left the bathroom and started getting dressed for the day, felix knew he should get up, too.

"do you think," 'do you think it's selfish to only want someone to yourself?' "you can drive me home after work today?" felix's words from the night before still hung heavy in hyunjin's mind.

"yeah, of course." hyunjin responded simply.

"okay, i'll come by and wait at the cafe after my shift." hyunjin smiled to himself.