im not yours

chapter eleven - memories

hyunjin returned to his room after driving hari home. he sat on his bed, the warmth left over from them kissing remained under the blanket.

he didn't even know why he kissed her. he was never so impulsive like that. and this only complicated his feelings about felix more.

did he want felix to himself? but if that was also how felix felt about him, he just denied him of that by kissing hari. was he allowed to want felix just to himself and also allow himself to have someone else?

it wasn't like it was his fault. something about hari was just so suddenly captivating. hyunjin honestly kind of regretted how he treated and avoided her before. if he knew he would end up liking her anyways, he never would've lied to her about felix. it was doing so much more harm than good to everyone involved.

that, too, bothered him. how was he gonna keep up with his lie? felix was the closest person in his life. and now he has to act like he hates him.

hyunjin absentmindedly reached to the base of his finger to fiddle with his ring as he always did, until he noticed it wasn't on his finger. he had totally forgotten that he took them off. he looked in his pocket, but they weren't there. panic set in, and he started looking all over the apartment. in the kitchen, in his bathroom, on his desks, and in the nightstand. he even dug through the trash in his state of desperation. he laid back onto the floor and sighed. he had to shut his eyes tightly and clench his fists to hold back his frustrated screams. how could he have lost the rings again? he sulked back to his room and buried himself in his blankets.

hyunjin blamed himself completely. there was no reason for him to have taken the rings off.

he went to bed with the hope that maybe he just forgot to take them home, and that the rings were still safely hidden in his locker at work.

~

after just a few days of completely losing contact, felix seriously rethunk his decision of waiting for hyunjin to talk to him first. anger slowly dissolved into an empty sadness. he cursed himself for jinxing their relationship. he knew that him and hyunjin's relationship was special, and because of his fear of losing him, felix denied his feelings for so long. how was it that when he finally admitted to himself that he was in love with hyunjin, he also finally lost him.

he should just text him. maybe hyunjin was just too scared to reach out first because he thought felix was mad at him.

"hey hyun" - felix

"oh felix im so glad you texted me" - hyunnie🥟

"i thought you hated me for a second" - hyunnie🥟

"i was too scared to text you" - hyunnie🥟

felix felt reassured. he still knew hyunjin's habits and way of thinking, and he knew him and hyunjin's relationship remained intact.

"yea me too :c" - felix

"i was going to wait for you to text me first" - felix

"but i got impatient" - felix

"i'm sorry" - hyunnie🥟

"it's okay" - felix

"i'm still sorry" - hyunnie🥟

"i shouldn't have blown up on you like that" - hyunnie🥟

"i was just really upset because of minho and i took it out on you which isn't fair of me to do" - hyunnie🥟

"i know hyunnie it's okay" - felix

"what's not okay is putting soap in my tea😒" - felix

"??" - hyunnie🥟