Telling Elliot V2

Chapter Four

"He looked like he was still out but I was wrong. I rambled to him about what my old partner would do to him. How he would break him. He was awake listening. He wanted to talk about our fathers. He told me that his babysitter put him in her mouth and his father caught her and raped her in front of him before he took him to dairy queen. He told me to shoot him. I pointed the gun at him and I waited for myself to pull the trigger, but, I couldn't. I picked up the metal rod though" she paused "I hit him once. Then I couldn't stop. I didn't stop until blood started the pour out of him. I watched for 20 minutes. After I called Fin, it took them another 20 minutes to get to the beach house. 40 minutes of bleeding out and he was still alive, still breathing despite his collapsed lung. In hindsight I should've beat him to death" she muttered the last part before looking up to read their faces "I can say that because in hindsight a little girl would still have a family, and some other innocent people would still be alive"
"The trial was rough. It was the only thing that cops talked about" Anaya recalled.
"He represented himself. Used my beating of him against me because we both knew that he was handcuffed at the time. He wanted to plead guilty on the condition that he could describe a violet assault that he committed to me. He wanted to take my dignity but I wasn't going to let him. The trial was...rough. He was found not guilty of my attempted rape all because one juror believed him over me. That same juror helped him to escape prison and she's the reason that a little girl no longer has parents or a sister. Amelia. He kidnapped her just to get to me" Liv paused, recalling the memory "She was 10. They had a new captain come in because of my history with Lewis. He even placed me under guard" Liv chuckled slightly "I slipped them both too easily and borrowed a car. I would rather have him hurt me than a child. He took me to an abandoned building when he was keeping Amelia. I told her not to be scared and Lewis gave me a choice to make. Her. Or me" Liv paused again, her hand rubbing tight circles on her chest "He said that he could do her and that I could watch...or he could do me and she could watch-"
"And you chose yourself" Elliot muttered and Liv nodded.
"He bent me over a table, handcuffing my wrists to the sides of the table, my legs to the tables. I told Amelia to close her eyes right before he grabbed me, anywhere he could. He liked the fight that his...victims gave. So I...stayed still. He reached for my belt and I went still under him" Liv wiped away her now falling tears again "Most rapists who like a fight usually can't perform without a fight. It was a hopeful guess but it saved me" Liv met El's eyes again "He didn't rape me El. He tried, but he didn't" he nodded "He realized that the only way he could beat me was by keeping me from the one thing that would allow me to move on. Justice. He made me play Russian roulette. Made me point a gun at my own head and pull the trigger. The last bullet was meant for me. But he knew that living with what he had done to me, knowing that I was responsible for the death of Amelia's family would hurt more than anything he could physically do to me. He told me that it was going to be the last thing I ever see, then he pointed the gun at his head and fired it, killing himself. Just like that, it was all over" She ran a hand through her hair, drying her face of previously fallen tears.
"After the first attack I had nightmares. My boyfriend at the time, Brain, I couldn't bare to have him touch me. He slept on the couch in our hotel room whilst I took the bed" she looked down at her moving feet "Night after night, he would just...try to hold me, to comfort me but I hated being touched, every little thing reminded me of him. I even cut my hair short because he liked to pull on it. Sex was even harder. I screamed at him to get off me the first time we tried, but Brian didn't blame me for any of it, he only comforted me. He stuck with me during the trail but...after a while...hearing your girlfriend beg for another man to stop touching her" she shrugged "It kind of ruins a relationship. But he looked after me, I can't thank him enough for that" she took in a calming breath "After the first time, I started going to therapy. I started meditating, drinking less coffee- I was drinking two bottles of wine a night just to be able to sleep. Tucker helped with that. I stopped drinking as much then it became barely any" she admitted.
"How does Burton fit in?" Anaya asked.
"My childhood was rough. I met him at the University whilst I was waiting for her and it all just went from there. We would meet in central park at night and drink, talk, screw" Liv shrugged, her going to the floor again "He made me feel loved for the first time in my life, but it was all an act. I wanted to marry him so much but when a friend of mine convinced me to go home the day after she went crazy" Liv shook her head, playing with her compass necklace "She was stone cold sober and all she said was 'Burton is no better than your father.' That's all she said. I gave her the ring and stayed in my room for two days. When I came out everything went back to how it was before. I forgot about him until he showed up at SVU wanting to help free a wrongly convicted man. I let him sweet talk me into his bed. The next day we had a woman outcry to us so I looked into it. He raped 27 women but we couldn't find proof. After my relationship with him, I was inclined to believe the women"
"You had no evidence?" El asked.
"No. But I think I have a way to burn his life to the ground. I just need to call in a few favours" she told him.
"Who are you calling?" He asked.
"First, my therapist, then my squad and finally an old friend who I owe an apology" Liv smiled, watching as El's eyes lit up and smiled back at her.