At The End Of The Tunnel

31) I Just Wanna Be Left Alone

Song: Cigarette Daydreams by Cage The Elephant

***WARNING ⚠ USE OF HOMOPHOBIC SLURS***

Kai Carter (POV)

They won't stop.

They won't stop coming through, and I won't stop reading them.

And the more I read them, the more I felt like I was falling into a pit of darkness, the more I felt like I was lost in an endless abyss. The light above fades away, as I plummet deeper into the fray, but still, my eyes refused to live the phone screen.

The shadows envelop me like a shroud, as I tumble down without a sound. The darkness consumed me whole, as I sink deeper into the soul. The blackness seeps into my bones, as I feel the chill in my very core. The silence is deafening, as I am lost forevermore. The abyss was a bottomless pit, a never-ending descent into the unknown. I was swallowed by the darkness, as I was left to face this alone.

What did I ever do? What did I ever do to deserve what I'm currently going through? Why did people feel the need to go out of their way to pick me apart like I was some kind of doll, plastic and without feelings.

Why are people so quick? So quick to judge, and so hateful. Humans are supposed to be the most intelligent species on the planet, but intelligence and understanding goes hand in hand. Intelligence and remorse. Intelligence comes with the ability to think. To know what hateful words can do to someone. Or maybe... maybe they are intelligent. Maybe intelligence also goes hand in hand with cruelty.

As I looked down at my phone screen without the ability to look away, like I was a drug addict, and my phone was the irresistible, addictive drug, I continued with the task of breaking my already fragile self esteem, by reading more, and more messages.

I wanted to stop. Really, I did. But my fingers seem to have a mind of their own as they opened different messages. My eyes had a mind of their own as they were glued to the phone screen. I was unable to look away.

'Faggot'

'Heaven isn't made for people like you'

'That is so disgusting I hope you burn in hell'

'Fucking faggot, you better watch your back'

'Faggot'

'Faggot'

'Faggot'

All of the messages was from unknown numbers. People who purposely went out of their way, found my number, and is currently harassing me. That right there is what you call dedication.

If they was doing it over the phone, I can only imagine what they would do once I returned to school tomorrow morning. It certainly will not be anything good. Or maybe they were cowards and preferred to hide behind a phone screen. I guess I will just have to wait and find out.

I had nine missed calls, and twenty unred messages from Damien, as well as a bunch of unred messages from my friends, but right now I just wanted to be left alone. I wanted to seat in my dark bedroom and wallow in my self pity, while pushing everyone who gave a shit about me away, and inviting those who wanted to torture me in.

That night sleep definitely didn't come easy to me. Jumping awake from a nightmare twice during the night was what motivated me to just stay awake for the rest of the night. That wasn't any better though, because my thoughts drifted. They drifted so far away that I don't think that there is enough rope in the world that will help me pull them back to me.

***

I contemplated staying home, but I know that if I did that, I would get bullied at home more than I ever would at school.