Cry Me A River

Third Little Monkey

I made him salad and soup, my specialty. Ryan then had to go to his homework and make up the work that he had missed by leaving early while I cleaned up.

A knock on the door made me place the dishrag down on the table and turn the brass knob. Mrs.Shmitt, our elderly neighbor, was holding a tiny blonde haired three year old by the hand. As soon as he saw me, Jason jumped into my arms, letting go of the woman's hand.

"How was he?" I asked, situating the little boy on my hip. She laughed, her white hair flying around her face.

"Oh he was a joy as usual."

"Thank you so much for watching him." I gave her a tired smile. She gave one back to me and adjusted her grey sweater.

"Anytime, it's my pleasure. Is your mother home yet?" I shook my head.

"No, she's working until eight and then has dinner plans." Mrs.Shmitt nodded in understanding.

"So she'll be home late?"

"Yeah." And most likely drunk, I wanted to add, but stopped myself. Mrs.Shmittt looked worried at the thought of us being home alone, but I brushed it off with a smile on my face.

" Don't worry. The boys are easy- once they're asleep I've got a bunch of homework to catch up on." Before she could answer I gave her a tiny wave (or as much of a wave with a three year old clinging to me like a monkey) and gently pushed the door closed.

You may be confused as to how there's another boy. Well here's the deal- after my dad left my mom decided to get a drink one night (big shocker there), had a little to much and nine months later....produced Jason. It's really strange to think that your own mother had a one-night stand but shit happens. I was thirteen at the time, and my mom was only 33. And no, we didn't know the father. Big deal- I was basically the mom and dad of the house anyway.

Placing Jason in his high chair, I pulled out the applesauce I had made earlier that week and some macaroni. He babbled about his day with Mrs.Shmitt- seeing as we don't send him to day care. My mom had a fear that he was going to get sick and die from the infections that the other kids brought into the school, so she was going to enroll him for kindergarten. If you think about it though, she wouldn't even have to deal with a sick kid, I would. She worked and went out with friends so much that we barely even saw her anymore. Mom left at 6 am and got home at one or two, depending on where she was and how much she had had to drink.

"Lottie!" I turned as the three year old called my name.

"Yes mi amor (my love)?" I spoke Spanish fluently and when my mom told me she was having another kid, I was determined that he would know some of the language I loved. Jason pouted.

"I'm hungry."

"What else do you want?"

"Helado." I frowned.

"No you may not have ice cream." He whined and protested, but I shook my head, pulling him out of the chair and wiping his mouth. "RYAN!" After a few moments my younger brother came running down the stairs, out of breath.

"Yeah?"

"Wyannn!" Jason jumped on top of him and Ryan laughed, swinging the tiny kid around.

"Hey amigo! Como estas? (How are you?)"

"Bueno! (Good!) I like Mrs.Shmitt! We went to the park!" I smiled at the two of them, loving the sense of family the three of us had.

"Wait does that mean you don't want to go for a walk más tarde? (later?)" Jason looked up, horrified at what I said.

"What? NO!!!!" I chuckled and motioned for the two boys to follow me to the front door.

"Then come on slow pokes!" They ran after me and hastily put their shoes on. The warm fall air was still balmy enough to wear shorts and a t-shirt. I locked the door behind me, shoving the key in my back pocket, the other one holding my phone. My brothers ran ahead of me racing each other to the lamppost. Ryan purposefully slowed down to let Jason win and the little boy cheered and clapped, obviously happy to beat his brother. I ran up behind him and swung him around, making him laugh and shout. Instead of placing him back on the ground I lifted him onto my shoulders, holding him by his feet with one hand. The other one Ryan took in his own, leaning into my arm. The three of us calmed down and walked quietly down the street, one of the rituals we did every night as the sun was going down. After a few minutes of silence, I heard Ryan's voice come from from next to me.

"Lottie?"

"Hmm?"

"Why can't you be our mom?" I swallowed hard, debating how to answer the question. It wasn't the first time the topic had come up and it was a heated debate within our home. One night Jason had made the mistake of calling me 'Mommy' when our real mother was around. She heard and was furious, convinced that I was brainwashing the two boys. It took hours to calm her down and by that time she was ready to head to another bar. It wasn't that I didn't love her; I respected her and did care her. She had been through so much more than anyone I had ever known, but I didn't approve of how she handled everything. We, as her kids, deserved parents, and neither of ours seemed to be functional. I hadn't let my brothers call me mom, because I knew it was important to their actual mother and me that they had their true mom in their lives. Yet, I was more of a mother than she ever was.

"Because Mom is." I heard Ryan snort.

"Yeah right. You're ten times the mom she is."

"Why can't you be mom?" Echoed Jason. I took him off of my shoulders and knelt beside both of them. We were in front of our house again, and they both sat on the curb.

"I'm not your mom. I'm your big hermana (sister) who loves you more than the universo (universe)." Jason stared at me with wide eyes.

"That's a lot." I nodded smiling slightly.

"I know." I turned to Ryan.

"I'm not your mom, because I'm your bestest friend, bueno? (okay)" He nodded sadly.

"Bueno (good)." I sighed, knowing that was the most complete answer I could give them.

"How about this? We get in our PJ's and watch a scary movie in my cama? (bed)" They both nodded eagerly, obviously cheered up by the thought. I kissed both of them on the heads as I unlocked the door.

"Good. Now both of you hurry!" My two brothers sprinted up the stairs, trying to get to their rooms first. I sighed deeply before closing the front door shut and locking it, knowing my mom would knock when she was home. I climbed the stairs to my room, which was at the very end of the hall. The boys were already in the blue bed, each on one side, making room for me. I laughed quietly before grabbing some PJ's and rushing into the bathroom. Pulling on my short black cotton shorts and neon green tank top, I brushed my teeth and shoved my hair into a knotty bun.

"Carl come on!" I pushed the door open and jumped into bed with the boys, grabbing the remote in the process. Ryan snuggled into me, leaning on my shoulder. Unlike most boys his age, he wasn't embarrassed to be affectionate with me. I think it's because he knew I was his best friend, and that I was obviously cooler than everyone in his grade. Jason curled up on my other side, hugging my ladybug pillow pet. I turned on Captain America and within the first few scenes both of my little brothers were fast asleep. Slipping out of the bed with ease because I had done it so often, I pulled on my fluffy socks and tiptoed down the stairs, making sure to turn off the movie on my way out. The lights clicked off and I sighed inwardly, glad that they went to sleep right away.