Cry Me A River

Santa, Cinderella and Good Night Moon

She giggled and I shut the door behind me, being careful not to lock it.

"Mom, where've you been?" She stumbled and I caught her arm, pulling her back into an upright position.

"Placesssss." I wanted to scream. WHY NOW.

"Okay, well you need to get to bed." I took a good look at her and almost cried on the spot. Her cheeks were hollowed out, and there were circles under her eyes, which were bloodshot. She was wearing tight leggings and a thin white shirt, with a leather jacket slung over her arms, not enough for the wintery weather.

"But I don't want tooooo. The sun is still out!" I rubbed my eyes, just plain tired of everything. What I wouldn't give to be 5 again when nothing mattered.

"Mom. Can you do something for me?"

"SURE!"

"Be super silent when we walk inside okay? If you do I'll give you rainbow skittles." Her eyes brightened like a little child's when I mentioned her favorite candy.

"Really?!"

"Only if you're super duper silent." She nodded with a big smile.

"Okay! No more noises!" She pretended to zip up her lips and I opened the door, looking back at her and holding a finger over my lips. Both of us walking inside, I shut it behind me and heard Jesse yell,

"Charlie? Who was that?" I saw my mom's eyebrows scrunch at the voice, so I answered back fast.

"No one. I'll be right down." With that I pushed her up the stairs as quickly as I could, anxious that they would see me. When we got to her room I breathed a sigh of relief. But my mom didn't seem so happy.

"Who's that guy?" I tried to come up with a solution.

"Santa." Seriously Charlotte? Santa? But it worked. My mom's face broke into an expression of wonder and excitement.

"Really? Santa? Am I on the good list?" She was totally serious, so I played along, nodding. 

"Yes, but only if you do exactly what I say right now." She looked at me obediently, waiting for my instructions. 

"You have to change into your pajamas and don't make a sound." She did exactly as I asked, staying quiet and staring at me the entire time. Once she finished she bounced on the end of her bed, waiting for more things to do.

"Now what?"

"I'm going to turn off the light. You get into bed and I'll tuck you in and then-"

"Can you tell me a story?" I sighed and then nodded, knowing she wasn't going to listen to me if I didn't.

"Fine. One story." She snuggled under her covers and I felt like her mother, instead of the way it actually was.

"I'm ready." I sat next to her on top of the covers and began.

"There was a beautiful woman, with blonde hair and blue eyes called Cinderella." My mom clapped her hands.

"I love this one!" I shushed her.

"Let me tell the story." She gave me a guilty smile.

"Sorry." 

"Cinderella's mother had died when she was born and her father had raised her all alone, until he decided to remarry. The woman he remarried had two daughters and the three were evil." My mom's eyes grew large and I could tell the alcohol was getting more into her system.

"How bad?"

"Really really bad." She sucked in a breath and I brushed her dark hair away from her face, comfortingly.

"That's not good."

"No," I paused and brushed her hair away from her face again. "It's not. Cinderella became their servant, and her father didn't know because he had to go away a lot." My mom glanced up at me with tears in her brown eyes.

"Like me?" I wanted to tell her that she didn't have to go away a lot, but then I realized something. She did. An addiction, in my mother's case alcohol, was something she was enslaved too. She was chained to drinking, drugs, smoking and sex, and didn't know how to get out of it.

"Yes ma. Like you." She nodded and her eyes began to close gently as I continued my story.

Her breathing slowed down by the time I started telling about the ball, and when I talked about the first dance, she was out. I tiptoed out of the room and walked back downstairs. My brothers were sitting at the table and eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

"Where's Jesse?"

"Bathroom." I nodded as he slipped into a seat next to Ryan, who was glaring at me.

"You hungry?" Ryan started getting up from the table and Jason followed suite.

"If she's eating at the table, then I'm out." Jason nodded and added,

"Me too." I gave Jesse a sad smile.

"Nah, it's okay. I'm full." He sighed.

"Charlie you haven't eat-"

"I'm not hungry Jess." I cut in. I didn't want my brothers to know that I had stopped buying lunch to pay for theirs. He swallowed and I began cleaning up the crumbs and everything that was still lying out on the counter. Ryan and Jason had sat back down and both weren't speaking. Once I finished cleaning up, I turned to both of them.

"Ryan did you finish your homework?" He sneered at me.

"Yes mom." I pretended not to notice his tone and smiled tiredly.

"Thank you." Then, turning to Jason I asked,

"Can you run upstairs and brush your teeth?" He crossed his arms, a look of defiance on his face.

"Ryan said I didn't have to listen to you."

I wasn't ready for this kind of parenting. I wasn't ready for any type of parenting, but I definitely wasn't ready for this. And I wasn't prepared to argue with my two brothers. But thank god Jesse stepped in.

"Hey little man." He kneeled next to my three-year-old brother, making eye contact with him. "How 'bout you go brush your teeth." Jason seemed to think it over and then nodded.

"Fine. Only because you asked." I wanted to roll my eyes, but the words he said hurt me, even though he probably didn't mean it.

I watched as he went up to his bathroom and turned to Jesse.

"Thanks." I paused to look at Ryan who was giving me a hard stare before speaking to the seventeen year old once again.

"I'm gonna go put him to bed. You can leave any time. Thanks for all of your help." I didn't give him a chance to say anything, walking right upstairs. Peeking my head into my little brother's room, I saw him in his bed.

"Hey mi amor." He gave me a wide eyed stare.

"I don't want you to put me to bed anymore." I sighed.

"Why?"

"Because Ryan said you're a bitch."

"Hey Jase? Don't use that word anymore okay? It's a bad word."

"But Ryan uses it!"

"Ryan shouldn't use it." He gave me a childish scowl.

"You're not our mom. Don't boss us around." I wanted to cry, but I couldn't.

"You're right, I'm not. But do you mind if I step in until mom comes back from work?" Jason squirmed in the bed, probably unsure of whether or not to answer.

"Fine."

"Okay," I gave him a small smile. "I'll read one book then turn off the light." He didn't send me one back, but handed me his favorite book.

"This one." I began to read.

"In the great big room there was a telephone and a red balloon....."