Cry Me A River

Lottie, It's Dark

When I came back to the couch Jesse wasn't there, but the movie had started to play so I sat on the cushions and stared at the screen. Veruca Salt had just found the golden ticket when Jesse came back into the room, two steaming mugs in his hands. I glanced up and asked with a tiny smile on my face,

"What's this?" He handed it to me and I felt goose bumps go up my arms from the heat contrasting with the cold.

"Hot chocolate."

"I told you I didn't need anything." He sat beside me, way closer than before, holding a cup in his hand too.

"I don't listen to you, cupcake." I rolled my eyes at the name.

"Cupcake?" He shrugged.

"Would you rather me call you whip cream?" I placed my hot cocoa on the table carefully, and pulled the sleeves of my hoodie over my hands.

"You cold?" I shook my head, denying what he said.

"Nah." He put his mug down next to mind and motioned for me to move closer.

"C'mere. I have a blanket." With slight hesitation, I scooted next to him and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling the blankets around his. I could feel his heart beat, a little bit quicker than what I thought was normal.

"Your heart's going fast." I could feel his chuckle throughout his body.

"It's always fast, Charlie. I have a wonderfully working metabolism. Don't feel special." Wow, way to ruin the moment. I buried my head in his chest, chilled from the air. It wasn't that the cottage was cold; it was more like everything was frozen, including the air around us.

"I am special." He rolled his eyes.

"Is that what your mom told you?" I knew he meant that jokingly, but I stiffened anyway. The fact that he didn't know about my mother, actually no one besides Will knew, hit me like a boulder. I couldn't tell Jesse- one day he would leave just like everyone else and I wasn't prepared to create another patchwork quilt over my broken heart.

"Yeah." I think Jesse could tell that my voice had gotten significantly colder.

"Hey is something wrong?"

"No." I stood up and sighed, grabbing my mug from the table, it being almost empty.

"Whoa Charlie, where're you going?" I started heading back to the kitchen.

"I'm gonna head up to bed. It's getting late." I put the cup in the dishwasher and Jesse came into the room, obviously confused. I couldn't bring myself to say why I was upset.

"Was it something I said?" Giving him a quick hug, I hurried up the stairs.

"No, don't worry about it. I'm just tired." I heard the movie click off and the bottom floor went dark, and Jesse's footsteps followed mine. However, I rushed into Cam's room, hearing his cries start up again.

"Que pasa (what's up) mi amor?" After changing his diaper, I held him close to me, wrapping a blanket around his tiny body, and walked out of the room, holding him. The door to my room cracked open and I slipped through, to find Ryan still up, my headphones in his ears and playing on my phone. When I came in his eyes flitted to the door and his eyebrows creased, probably wondering why I was holding Cameron.

"He was crying, I didn't want him to bother Jesse." Ryan smiled.

"Of course. What about Jason?" I didn't even get the chance to reply, when the door opened again and Jason stumbled into the room.

"Lottie, it's dark." Ryan motioned for him to get into my queen-sized bed and my three-year-old brother got in, pulling the covers up. Cameron had fallen back asleep in my arms and I didn't want to put him down, knowing he would cry again, so I hopped into bed with him. Sitting up against the pillows, I had him propped against my chest, sharing my body warmth with him. Ryan was to my right and Jason on my left, the three of us snuggling in together like we did at home.

"This is going to be fun," I whispered, "We get a little time to be away." The boys were already fast asleep.

Cam's crying kept me up every few hours so by the time it was seven, I knew I wouldn't be able to get any more sleep. My two other brothers were still passed out, but I didn't have trouble getting out of bed, with Cam in my arms. He smiled up at me with his large green eyes and I made a funny face, tiptoeing down the stairs in my Stitch onesie. After placing him in the slingy thing that fits around my body, I started cooking, making sure to keep him away from the hot stove.