Nothing But Bones

5: Toothwheat

Chewing on the toothbrush that's still in her mouth, Tiff starts off the nightly round of texts before she forgets. Mr. Beck and Dr. Deseret get messages that are nearly identical: "I'm so sorry for the short notice, but I'm in Canada because the government told me to. (You understand.) I'll make it up to you in whatever way you deem fair." The only messages she sends to Andy are, back-to-back, "Please feed the toothwheat some raw chicken before you go to bed. If you use one of the frozen half-breasts, you won't have to worry about feeding it again in the morning," and, "Good night. Love you." It's easy to reply to Betty; it's really easy to ignore the people she doesn't want to talk to.

The real issue is that she doesn't know what to send to her aunt.

She's an adult. She doesn't have to send anything. She's nineteen-goddamn-years-old and she can go to Canada without explanation if she wants to.

It feels bad not to, though, so she deigns to call instead.

It takes a moment before her aunt picks up; Tiff speaks before Esther can say hello. "You're not home yet, are you?"

"Not yet. Everything okay?"

"Everything is perfectly fine," she lies around the plastic in her mouth. She bites down on the bristles. "I figured you wouldn't be— I'm not going to be home tonight. You can ask why if you want, but you're not going to like the answer."

For a moment, all that there is of Esther is her breathing. She gives a small chuckle. "There isn't much you can do to surprise me these days, Tiff. Out with it."

After a long second of a keening tone from somewhere in the back of her throat, Tiff blurts, "I'm in Canada."

"Why are you in Canada?"

"That's a fantastic question." Tiff grimaces, sets the chewed toothbrush down, and turns out to face the rest of the room. Wiping the cheap mint toothpaste from the corner of her mouth, she gesticulates with the toothbrush and rushes through, "I'm in Canada because the government will clear my golf cart theft charges if I look at a haunted house."

Tiff can probably hear Esther's eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. She certainly hears the incredulous puff of air blasting from her aunt's nose. "Tiffany May, that did surprise me."

"I've still got it, then."

"You were arrested for theft? Of a golf cart? And the government has you looking at a haunted house in Canada?"

"If it makes it any better," (it doesn't), "I'm not the one who stole the golf cart. That was Kepler. I was just... also there— and I got stuck. I didn't injure my wrist, but I just about broke it trying to get it free."

"Well, thank you for not breaking your arm again? I guess?"

She narrows her eyes at the half-unpacked duffel bag on the bed and considers the question of if she wants to get into the whole of it. Even if the Black Robes Division has some way to monitor her calls (which she's pretty sure would be illegal), she's going to explain. "It has something to do with a former ally of Chip Winger's. I'm not that far from the border."

Esther sighs. "Of course it has to do with Chip Winger. It always has to do with him. Even dead, he's a menace."

Tiff puts her toothbrush back in her mouth just to chew on it. "It's a shame he has his fingers in the necromancy pie."

"I'm not going to ask."

"I have it on good authority that it's blueberry-bone and toothwheat crust."