Nothing But Bones

23: Just Like Power Rangers

It is, of course, not just like Butterscotch. It has no hooves and is considerably more reptilian than insectoid. That doesn't stop Tiff from searching for similar weaknesses and weak points on its body. If it doesn't have weak, spider-like knees, what can she exploit?

Elton goes to run, but simply falls flat on his face. The bone snake rears up to clamp its jaws down on him, but Tiff shoves him out of the way and raises her arm like she's wearing a shield. Tiff is not wearing a shield. Long and sharp fang-like bones pierce her forearm through the leather that has served her so well until now.

Dingus leaps at the creature's head, slamming all of his weight into it. The force of the blow rips the fangs from Tiff's arm and knocks the bone snake off balance.

Tiff knows she really should have learned her lesson the first time. Unfortunately, the only combat lesson that has stuck with her is exactly none of them. What she has is an atomic derringer from months ago that she forgot to reload (so she has one shot with that thing), a ray gun in a broken bag, and a very sharp, surprisingly dense bone.

And also Elton. Elton's on the ground. She can't forget that.

She adjusts her grip on the sharpened bone. Ignoring the pain in her left arm and the blood already flowing like water from forearm to wrist to palm, she wields it like she would a sword (not that she's good at that, either), and swings at the snake.

Bone meets bone like steel against steel, dry squeaking like the screeching of brakes and blades. She grits her teeth, drives the point up into nonexistent organs, and tries not to flinch at the way she can feel blood running up and down her arm. All she can do is hope that Elton is doing the smart thing (getting up off his ass and trying to get the hell out of there).

Elton rolls to a stand, watching Tiff battle the creature. He watches Dingus battle the creature. He watches Kepler, somewhere further off in the pile, battle the creature. What is he doing except making everyone have to do more because he's not as strong or experienced as them? What else can he do but run?

He doesn't want to do that, though. Somewhere on a molecular level, the idea is frightening and repulsive. He has two feet; why doesn't he do something? He's got to do something! He's going to do something! Elton picks up a large bone from the leg of something bigger than he can fathom right now. It's heavy and more than a little unwieldy, but that's not going to stop him from rushing forward and trying to smash the creature on its head.

The bone snake barely registers Elton. It flicks its tail to smash him almost flippantly, like a cow with a fly. The fly doesn't appreciate it, though; the spiked end pierces Elton's side and sends him flying; his body rolls near the stardust boundary of the portal.

Tiff announces it as soon as the half-baked idea comes to her: "I'm going to get on it."

She isn't sure what will kill this thing— or even just incapacitate it long enough for them to get away— but going for the head seems like a good idea.

It's just like climbing a tree, she thinks. It's just like riding a mechanical bull. (Not a horse. Never a horse.)

She releases the bone from its periosteum sheath, stabs it into the top of the ribcage nearest the skull, up near the cervical vertebrae. From there, it's more like swinging herself up onto it— like getting up into a saddle when you're too short, like she's twelve again and hasn't been to Gatlinburg yet. Riding a giant skeletal crocodile-snake like this isn't something that's a great idea, but it's better than doing nothing.

Now she just has to get its head off its shoulders. That should do the trick.

It won't. It probably won't. But she has to try. She doesn't have any better options right now.