Never Underestimate A Gallagher Girl

I'm Also Afraid Of Losing You

I'm not falling. I hear the lift crash against the bottom of the shaft. I hear everything happen around me. I should be dead. I should have plummeted back down to earth. I should not have tried to defy gravity. But I'm not falling. Instead, I'm grasping onto something warm and soft. Something that sends electricity through my veins faster than anything I have ever felt before. I should be dead, but I've never felt more alive.
"I love you too" a voice whispers. I slowly open my eyes and see the one boy I have been dying to see all summer. The boy that dipped me in front of the whole of both our schools last semester. The boy that told me he loved me. The boy that keeps screwing up. And it's now I realize, it's the boy that I'll always forgive. No matter what.
Zach's crying. Yes, actual tearage. I can tell he wants to wipe them away, but he's holding onto the rope leading up to the light at the end of the shaft. And he's holding onto my hand like it's a lifeline. His hand is my lifeline. He is my second chance. I can't hate him anymore.
He shakes the rope and before I know it we are being pulled upwards. It's then I realize my surroundings. Walls. 4 walls. Little space. No room. No air. Trapped. I know I'm breathing deeply, but I can't seem to stop myself. I can't breathe. My throat has been clamped shut and my lungs are on fire. There is no way air can get to my lungs. Fire needs oxygen to live. The more I breathe, the more it burns.
"Chameleon? Chameleon, are you okay?" I hear Zach's panicked voice and I don't know whether to scream or laugh. He's calling me Chameleon now? After he shouted my actual name for 20 minutes in my rescue, he wants to use my codename now? After every good and/or bad operative has found out my true identity. I mean, no offense, but it's kind of pointless. Instead I opt for shaking my head, telling him I wasn't okay. "Duchess! Hurry up!" Zach shouts. He starts wiggling the rope more vigorously as if doing that is going to somehow get us up there faster. "It's okay, Gallagher Girl, I'm here" Zach whispers, gripping hold of my hand so tight that it starts to go numb. It's like he feels the need to let me know he's here. But more people means less room. Less room means that I panic. Me panicking means that (insert rude word that completes the sentence) hits the fan!
We were getting closer and closer to the light until I felt something, more like someone, grab me from under my arms and haul me so I was standing on something solid. Ground. Thank the damn lord for ground!
"Cammie!" Bex screamed. Yes, actual screamage. Before I knew it she had her arms wrapped so tightly around me that I couldn't breathe. It was like she thought that if she didn't hold me tight enough I would disappear forever. "I love you too! Don't do that to me ever again!" She shouted. I buried my face in her neck and sighed. I would never get tired of my best friends ever again.
"I told you I didn't want to get in the lift" I whispered, my voice muffled by her neck.
"I know. I'm so sorry. Liz didn't know what else to do. She feels awful. Macey is with her trying to calm her down" Bex whispers. I squeezed her one last time before pulling away and smiling. Someone clears their throat and I turn around to see Zach standing there. "I'll give you two some space" Bex says before rushing to the stairs.
As soon as I knew she was out of sight, I jumped on him. My arms were around his neck in a lock as I stood on the very tops of my toes to be able to stand. His arms went immediately around my clutching me like a vice.
"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I'm an idiot. I don't hate you" I whine. His grip on me somehow gets tighter and I feel like I can't breathe. A good 'I can't breathe', but still an 'I can't breathe'.
"I thought I lost you" he sobs. He's crying again. He's crying over me again. I know I'm supposed to feel guilty, but I can't help but feel happy. He was so scared that he was going to lose me, he's crying. Crying because he thought he was going to lose me. Me.
"You can't get rid of me that easily" I joke, but he doesn't laugh. It is then I realize that my voice sounds like a strained whisper. I'm actually surprised he can here me.
"I don't want to argue with you ever again" he says, kissing me on the cheek before putting is chin on the top of my head. "I can't even tell you how sorry I am," he says. "I hate myself" he says through gritted teeth. I just keep hugging him.
"It's my fault. I shouldn't have taken it to heart. I-" I start to tell him but he cuts me off.
"Don't even start blaming yourself. It is not your fault. I'm an idiot for choosing my friends over you. Your reaction was exactly right. Just because I'm a spy doesn't mean I get to be a jerk. Especially not to the people I love" he whispers, kissing my forehead. It's like he thinks I'm not stood right in front of him. Like I'm not stood in his arms. What do I need to do? Get a bloody flashing sign that says 'Cameron Anne Morgan is stood here'?!
"I don't think your a jerk. You were jerkish towards me, but you aren't a jerk. You just acted like one. If that makes sense" I say.
"No, it doesn't" he laughs, finally kissing me properly. I didn't realize how much I missed him until that moment. As soon as he kissed me and as soon as I got that feeling every girl must have got when they were kissing Zach freaking Goode. Wait...what? I don't want to be like every other girl that's kissed Zach Goode. I want to be the only one that matters.
"I'm claustrophobic" I state, finally pulling away from him.
"I'm afraid of thunderstorms" he says, sending me a signature smirk.
"Is that the only thing you're afraid of?" I ask with a smile.
"No," he says. "I'm also afraid of losing you" he says before taking my hand. "Come on, we have a psychotic Liz to take care of" he chuckles, leading me outside. I can't wipe the grin off my face.