my mechanic (kirkhammettxjameshetfield)

8

I knocked for what felt like forever but there was no reply... I cursed under my breath even though I couldn't even breathe. I begged that he wouldn't be dead. I felt like crying, I should've came earlier. I took a deep breath and opened the door with the spare key he gave me long ago. I closed my eyes and walked in. It smelled like it did the last time i've been here, maybe a little mustier but it was fine.

"James?" I called.

I tripped over something and saw a beer can on the floor of the kitchen. He had multiple on the floor. I walked into the living room and the TV was on. I saw James, hopefully, sleeping on the couch. I saw the bottles of liquor his friend was talking about. 5 out of the 6 were empty... I wiped my eyes and immediately tapped James. He wouldn't respond the first few times but then he groaned and got up. I sat down on the couch as I let out a sigh of relief.

He jumped randomly and squinted his eyes at me. His hair was longer and all over his face and didn't look like he washed it in forever. His shirt was off and he looked very pale. He also had a beard, which was kinda weird but I wasn't judging. He just didn't look like the same James who would tell me cringy dad jokes until I peed my pants, he looked... dead. His eyes were so empty looking.

"James..." I didn't know what to say. I wanted to help him and just give him a hug. I don't want to see him like this. I've never lost any feelings over the period of time for him and it pained me deeply to see him like this.

He couldn't even look at me. Then I saw tears falling from his face. I felt like crying too and I hugged him. He's not dead, he's right here. I cried on his shoulder gently. I've realized in a matter of seconds how important James really is to me. He's my life. Without him i'm just boring and tired and unhappy.

I wrapped his arm around me and looked at his face. This isn't the same James, I thought.

"Please don't kill yourself." I started. I wanted him to know that I didn't want that.

"James I... I love you and still do." I said. It was genuine because i've never uttered those words to anyone other than my mom and dad, and my first girlfriend but she didn't really matter.

"No you don't, Lars sent you. You don't have to lie to me." Does he really not think he deserves to be loved?

I put my hands on his face and turn it to me so he could see how genuine I was being. I wanted him to see how much I meant what I said, how much I would sacrifice just for him.

"I'm not lying." I said firmly whilst maintaining our eye contact.

"When I first saw you I was hooked. Please James, I still want you." I said, more of begged.

He scoffed and looked down. I bit my lip and was gonna speak when he interrupted me.

"How can you still want me?" He asked. How do I even explain that? I just do.

"Because James I-" I tried but he cut me off again.

"I tried to kill you." He said. I dropped my hands and he looked like he wasn't lying. But i'm still here, I am breathing.

"But you didn't. I'm still here. You obviously didn't go through with i-"

"That's cause Lars stopped me before I could!" He shouted and pushed me away. I landed on my back, knocking the wind out of me, and I looked at him. I'm not gonna let him push me away. So I did what I've been wanting to do since the day I saw him. I got up and put my lips on his before he could look away again. I hoped the kiss spoke for itself, spoke for me. I hope everything just clicked in place like it did for me. He pulled away and his face softened and he looked back at the ground.