Letters from Sam

Childhood Friend

Dear old friend,

I miss you. We were the best of friends. We did everything together. We had sleepovers every other night, and didn't hang out with anyone else, except when our parents made us. I think I changed first. I started leaving you behind because of things. I don't want to go into it. It was a bad time for me. I was dealing with a lot, and struggling with it, and I took it out on you. I was dying inside, and I tried to attack you, knock you down, force you to go under before I did, because then I would at least be doing better than someone.

It's my fault. It usually is. Always is. Especially when it came to you. I pushed you away, pushed you down and away. You're a good person. You always were and always will be. I don't know why you put up with me for as long as you did. You shouldn't have. I was a bad person going bad places. I'm still not a good person, and I don't think I'm going good places. I'd like to apologize for the way I acted. I should've been nicer to you, or let you go before all of that happened. I knew I was going down, crashing and destroying everything as I went. I should've let you escape my path, freed yourself from my plummet to the bottom.

I still haven't come back up, but I'd to think you got free before it was too late. But I'm not sure. I hope you're somewhere nice, physically and mentally and emotionally. I hope you get what you want from life. Just don't stick around too long. Save yourself sometimes. Don't expect people to be able to get out of a hole. Sometimes they dug it themselves, dug it just deep enough to be able to see help but not be able to use it. Don't stay too long, or you might fall in and join them. Keep going up. If you're at a fork in the road, and you're friend wants to go down a path you know is bad, know will take them down and down and down until they can't crawl back up, try to bring them with you. Try to convince them it's wrong, that they'll never be able to get back to where they were before, which isn't a bad place. But don't let them get angry and drag you with them. Give up at some point, and save yourself. Take the right path.

Some people aren't worth saving. And some are impossible to save. Don't be the hero I know you try to be. Nobody's a hero. You either give up or you go with them. It's hard to get them to go with you. I didn't go with you, and look how close we were. You didn't really understand what was going on with me, but that was naivety. It was childish and I know you understand it now. And I've sunk below the bottom now. And I have no way out. There's nothing anyone can do, or could've done. I think you'll understand.

Your childhood friend,

Sam