Dear dead person,
What's death like? Is it painless? I'm curious. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Did you think about death before you died? Did you think about ending it yourself? Just cutting your thread short with your own shears? Did you wonder what's beyond death? If there is anything? If it's cowardly to take your own life? If you should struggle through the pain and see if things get better?
I think they could. I hope it'll get better. But I don't know if I'll make it that far. I don't think I will.
I hope Death is a good place to go. I don't believe in Heaven. Because if there's Heaven, there's Hell. And I don't want there to be Hell. I don't want to go there. I might. Could I get a free pass to Heaven? Could I be a Buddhist? I'd like to. Because I've suffered. And because I've suffered in this life, I'll be better off in the next. Once Buddhist priests have suffered enough, don't they die? Cut their threads short, just one snip, one cut, and it's all over. They reach nirvana. Isn't that what happens to Buddhists? Could that happen to me? Could I do that? Could I become one with their god? Because I've suffered and struggled, could I cut my thread and end it all? Could I force my heart to fail, fail to pump blood? Could I force my lungs to stop, stop sucking in air? Could I force my soul to leave, leave to wherever it goes when my body's broken?
Should I?
Is that the right thing to do? I'm not sure what to do. Writing these letters has me questioning. I don't know what to do. I thought I knew. I thought I knew the right path to take. Now I'm not so sure. Now I doubt myself, my intentions, my future. I don't know. Death is tricky. It's a dance with too many intricate movements and dancers and it's unpredictable. The dance crescendos and pauses and I don't know where it's going. I don't know whether it's going to end well. I can't understand it. It's beautiful yet grotesque to watch, but I can't understand it and I don't know what's going to happen or what my part is. Is that all life is? Uncertainty? Confusion? Something you have to watch and you can't turn away but you're not sure why. I think I'm ready to turn away. But I don't know if I can.
I don't know what I should do.
I wish you could help me.
I wish someone could help me.
Sam
YOU ARE READING
Letters from Sam
Short Story30 Day Letter Writing Challenge. This work is entirely fictional, with letters written from Sam to those specified in the challenge. I've changed it a little bit, just to fit better with Sam's character and the story arc. This is entirely experimen...
