The Very Thought of You

Chapter 4

The day I had been dreading has finally come. Today wasn't just July 15th. It was the anniversary of Trevor's death. At first, I was fine. I had just gotten out of the shower, and I was looking for something to wear. But when I looked in the mirror, I could've sworn I saw Trevor behind me, a sweet smile on his face.

And I was hit by a train of emotions immediately. Now I was sitting in the corner of my room, wrapped in a towel, in fetal position, bawling my eyes out. I cried more when I looked around my mirror and the familiar pictures of Trevor were missing. I took them down two weeks ago.

The knock on my bedroom door stopped me from crying. Through my weak voice, I gathered the strength to talk.

"Yeah," I said, just above a whisper.

"The memorial starts in ten minutes." Cyrus stated, "We've got to go."

After shoving into the black dress, I'd picked out, I went outside to meet them. Hanna was in the passenger seat with her leg hanging from the window. The lace from her dress rose, exposing her perfectly tanned skin.

Memories played like a slideshow in my head as we made our way to Trevor's parents' house. Cyrus and Hanna were talking in the front seat, but I couldn't hear anything they were saying. My ears felt stuffy.

"We're here." Cyrus sighed.

My throat filled with a lump causing my hands to sweat. We got out of the car, and I noticed my legs were shaking. I couldn't find the courage to follow my friends. I hadn't been to Trevor's house since the day of his funeral. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. When I opened them, Hanna was standing in front of me, her eyes wet.

"Are you okay?" I asked, swallowing the lump.

"I should be asking you that." She said sadly.

"It's hard," I admitted. "This is hard."

She grabbed my hand and held it tightly, "We've got you, Ellie."

The memorial didn't last but an hour. Everyone just talked and ate food while trading stories about Trevor. Seeing his parents smile made me feel warm inside. The last time I'd seen them, I thought they would never be able to carry on with their lives.

Hanna, Cyrus, and I stayed behind to help clean up the mess from the celebration. As I was washing dishes, Mrs. Davis, Trevor's mom, joined me, drying the ones I'd washed.

"How've you been?" She asked.

"I don't know." I said honestly, "Sometimes I think I'm okay but then suddenly something reminds me of Trevor and I'm hit with a wave of emotions."

She patted my back, "The other day I was going through the garage and found this birthday card he made for me when he was five. The macaroni had fallen off but the red crayon weathered the years."

Her eyes glossed over, and she laughed, pointing to the refrigerator. I turned to see the card posted under a magnet on the door. It's bright sloppy writing read: Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you!

"Just so happened to be my birthday that day," She chuckled. "I couldn't stop laughing."

If the roles had been reversed, I don't think I could've handled it. I'd probably had stayed in bed for months, wallowing in my own self-pity. The expression on my face showed exactly what I was thinking.

Mrs. Davis smiled at me, "The point is, you've got to hold on to those memories. Even if they make you sad, just be happy you got to experience them in the first place. I know you loved Trevor. He loved you, too. He would hate seeing you this unhappy."

I smiled faintly, letting her words reach my heart. My own mother had been so cold towards the situation. I knew it was because she'd known the truth behind the accident. But even so, I'd still loved Trevor. She had to understand that at least.

"Thank you, Mrs. Davis." I said, giving her a hug.

"Anytime," She offered. "Feel free to stop by any time. Cyrus is always here, clearing the fridge as usual."

"I will." I promised.