The Very Thought of You

Chapter 9

Shane's birthday party seemed like fun. She was so excited when she saw that we'd brought kids her age. Apparently, she wasn't making many new friends in school. But Unique, Cyrus' little sister, just so happened to be in the classroom next to hers. Hopefully now she'd feel more comfortable going to school. Now she was laughing uncontrollably as they buried one of Hanna's brothers in the sand.

"I can not thank you guys enough," Myles said as the four us sat in the sand. "She's been down all week."

Black swimming trunks were the only thing he had on. I couldn't help but stare as sweat dripped down his stomach between his abs. His eyes sparkled in the sun. I turned my head to stop myself from drooling. Even though I was a virgin, my thoughts were turning impure. That rarely happened to me the many times I saw Trevor without a shirt. I felt guilty just for thinking it.

"Don't thank us," Cyrus told him. "We're all friends now. That's what friends do."

"You're always so cheesy." Hanna said, sliding her finger down his abs. "You been missing some workouts?"

"You tell me," He said flirtatiously. "You're the one who can't keep their hands off me."

"I barely touched you." She said, jerking her finger back.

Everyone started to laugh as I sighed, pulling my legs up to my chest. The sun felt good on my skin. I'd chosen to wear a simple one-piece bathing suit. Hanna, on the other hand, wore shorts and a crop top, still wary around Cyrus.

"You've been quiet." Myles' stated, his eyes burning the side of my face.

He probably thought it was because we'd almost kissed. But the reason behind it was my mother calling Trevor a slimeball. And to tell them that, I'd have to tell them why she called him that.

"I'm fine," I lied, smiling. "Just thinking about this being our last year of high school."

"Yeah, I think about that a lot." Cyrus said, looking off into the distance, away from us. I knew he was thinking of Trevor. They'd promised to go to the same college since they became best friends in the sixth grade. Hanna and I didn't meet them until the eighth.

"I can't imagine what its like losing a friend. Especially one you were all so close to." Myles said boldly. "I'm sorry."

"We're just glad we were able to love him." Hanna said, putting a hand on Cyrus' back. It was quiet for a while before Cyrus stood up, stretching.

"What do you say to a race?" He asked Myles, a taunting smile on his face.

Myles laughed before standing up, "I say don't cry when lose."

When they took off down the beach, Hanna pulled my head into her lap. I rolled over staring up at the worried expression on her face.

"Lately you were looking a lot happier." She asked, "Are you going to tell me what happened yesterday? Did Myles,"

"He didn't do anything," I assured her. "He's great."

"So, what up, Ellie? Talk to me. You're back tracking and I won't let that happen." She said, her eyes wet.

Seeing how much she cared about me made me feel better. I snuggled my face into her T-shirt and sighed. I always knew I could trust Hanna. Shame had kept me from telling anybody. I sighed, ready to let it off my chest.

"The night Trevor died," I told her. "I caught him kissing Remy inside of his car. He tried to break up with me, but I loved him so much. I couldn't let him go so I begged him to choose me, and he did in front of her. Then on the way home, that car,"