Zahra

20: I'll deal with this tool

In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful

All that is in the heavens and the earth glorifieth Allah; and He is the Mighty, the Wise (Q: 57 V: 1)

I thought that now that I had finally admitted that I had a crush on Hassan I would find it difficult to talk to him. I thought I would stammer and act incoherently around him and make a fool of myself, but that wasn't the case. I was still comfortable around him, I wasn't nervous or flustered, just a tad bit shy. We still texted from time to time, but I made sure not to get carried away like the night I woke up late for Fajr. Since then, once it was almost midnight I made sure to put my phone on silent, that way; I wouldn't hear if he- or anyone else texted. Anything to keep myself from dipping my hand into that candy bowl.

Hassan said another thing that just made me like him even more. Yesterday when we were texting he asked me a question, he asked me that if I could choose the way I died, what would I pick. I had said I would pick to die in my sleep peacefully, when I asked him what he would pick; he had said he would choose to die in the sujood position. I wasn't sure what the opposite word for cringe was, but whatever it was; when I read his reply I did. I uncringed.

Today was Wednesday; the day of Hassan's match and Zayd's match. I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep after praying Fajr, it was starting to become a routine thing for me. My alarm clock on my nightstand started beeping, letting me know it was six am. I turned my head to look at it and stretched my arm towards it but it was too far. I groaned, feeling too lazy to get up, it was times like this I wished I had telekinesis. A few minutes passed before I finally gathered enough strength to drag myself closer to it and turn it off, then I resumed my former position.

I liked doing this every morning; just lying in bed after waking up, soaking in the silence and gathering my thoughts before starting the day. It was therapeutic, the only sounds I could hear were the chirping of birds and rustling of leaves outside. I used these moments to plan little things like what I would wear or if I had something important to do I would remind myself. Right now I was thinking about how I would tell my friends about Hassan, I hadn't told anyone about it and I didn't know who to tell first. Hailey would tease me obviously, she had pointed it out since the beginning and I had been oblivious and denying it, Nadia would freak out and ask a million questions, I wasn't ready for that either. And I was absolutely and most definitely not telling Zayd, no way in hell.

Tabitha leapt onto my bed and came over to me, she peered into my face and mewed. I raised a hand and stroked her head, she rubbed her head against my hand and purred, then she clambered onto my chest and started licking my nose. I picked her up and put her on the bed a few feet away from me, she came back and climbed on me again, I didn't understand this cat sometimes; one time she's super clingy and is all over me, thanks to her I discovered that it's painful to have a cat standing on your boobs. And other times she avoids me like the plague, I moved her again and sat up, then I picked her up and went to Zayd's room. I knocked on the door and opened it when I heard him saying I could enter, he was on the ground wearing only a pair of black shorts, doing push-ups. He stopped when I entered and got up glistening with sweat, he nodded at me in greeting before drinking from a water bottle on his desk, "what's up?", he asked me after putting the bottle down.

I walked further into his room and dropped Tabitha on his bed, "she's all yours, keep her entertained", I told him, "she's being super clingy and I don't have her energy right now"

He laughed, "how about you give her back to Brian?"

"No way", I objected, "I love her, just not right now"