Zahra

22: Sweet little siren

In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful

For this Quran is, most surely, an enduring Remembrance of great honor for you, O Muhammad, and for your people, in whose language it had been revealed. Thus all of you shall be questioned on Judgement Day about your obligations to it.

I hated hospitals, they were depressing and cold and only associated with bad memories, for me anyway. It was at a hospital I found out about Dad's cancer after he collapsed at home, the times after he was hospitalized a few months to his death were excruciating. It was painful watching him fade away day by day, sometimes I just didn't want to go, and I was so mad at the hospital for not trying to save him. I knew it wasn't their fault, but I needed someone to blame, I needed someone to direct my anger at. It felt cruel and unfair; having my Dad suddenly ripped away from me, from Mom and Zayd. The fear, anxiety, sadness and anguish I felt those days were terrible.

And now, as I was sitting in the hospital lobby, I felt all those feelings all over again. My right leg bounced up and down nervously and I couldn't stop fidgeting, I was still wearing the pyjama pants and sweatshirt I had on at Hailey's place. After I received Zayd's call I had sprinted out of Hailey's house barely stopping to wear my hijab, then flagged down the first taxi I found and rushed to the hospital. I felt the cold tile beneath the soles of my feet and I realized I was barefoot, I didn't even wear my shoes. I'm sure some people thought I was crazy; a barefoot girl clad in pyjamas running through the halls like a mental patient.

I glanced up at Zayd who was pacing up and down impatiently. He told me that Mom's workplace had called him cause he was listed in her emergency contacts, they told him which hospital they were bringing her to and he called me before driving over. He said he hadn't seen her since he got here and no one had told him anything about her condition, so here we were; waiting for news- whether good or bad. Was it even possible to receive good news at a hospital? It was either bad news... or worse.

What happened to Mom? Was she sick? I tried to recall if there were any times that she seemed sick, she always looked tired, but she said that it was just work and I believed her without another thought. Had she been suffering for a long time and kept it hidden from us? She didn't have...? did she? God, I didn't even want to think about it. I started to shake and I wrapped my arms round myself tightly, this couldn't be happening. I can't lose Mom too. Ya Allah please, don't take away our Mom too, we need her.

"I called Aunt Melanie after I called you", Zayd said and fell into the seat beside me, "she's on her way"

I nodded mutely, but my mind couldn't even process what he was saying. I kept staring at my feet, hugging myself while praying that my Mom was okay. The lobby was frustratingly empty, Zayd sprang up and started pacing the floor again, then he stopped a nurse who was walking by and started asking her a bunch of questions. I couldn't even decipher what they were saying, all that was going through my mind was Mom, Mom, Mom Mom Mom and Mom.

The doors to the lobby slid open and Aunt Melanie rushed in, she stopped in her tracks when she saw us, "Zahra, Zayd", she walked over and sat down beside me, "oh honey", she said and pulled me into a hug. I said nothing and stayed still in her arms, feeling numb.

She released me when Zayd approached her, she wrapped her arms round him and I drowned out their conversation. Where was the damn doctor? I needed answers.

"Wait here", Aunt Melanie told us and walked to the doors that led to the emergency room, she beat on them until a nurse appeared at the window, she glanced at Aunt Melanie, then her eyes darted to us. She disappeared from the window and moments later the door opened and she emerged from the other side, Aunt Melanie faced her immediately, "a woman was just brought in after collapsing from work, where is she? Any news yet?"