You over everything. (Book 2)

Chapter 3

Toni

My head thumped as I rolled out of bed to start my morning.

I cried all night, thinking and reminiscing. Thinking about my kids...thinking about Janet. What transpired last night I still can't wrap my head around. I won't put all the blame on her for the argument, but the way that she acted in front of Elijah is not okay.

I really don't see how all of this can get better. We've tried to talk things out multiple times, but she's not taking accountability for anything she did. She tries to pin it on me and act like I'm crazy for feeling the way I do.

There's really no more fight left in me to try and work things out. I did my part; I tried.

I really don't feel like getting out of bed, but Elijah has practice this morning, and I have to get up. Them before everything.

Jayla has been asleep for almost two hours, so if my calculations are correct, I have about 45 minutes to take a shower and get dressed.

Having a newborn is not easy.

I walked into the bathroom and turned on the water to heat up. I looked in the mirror and sighed at how tired I looked. I look like I've been up for days on end.

I grabbed towels out of the closet and began to take my clothes off. I was moving slow when really I don't have a lot of time before Jayla wakes up, so I should speed things up.

I opened the shower door and stepped in, immediately feeling the tension leave my body when the water hit. My body relaxed, but my emotions stayed the same, and what better thing to do than cry in the shower?

Flashback: December 20, 2017

"Janet, are you going to be here for Christmas?" I asked through the phone.

The background is loud wherever she is, and I could barely hear her.

"We're back on it. J come on," someone said in the back.

"Baby, I gotta go. Tell Jah I love him, and I love you too. I'll see you soon." She said kinda rushed.

"Janet wait-"

The line went silent, and I slowly pulled the phone from my ear.

I feel so alone right now. I'm 6 months pregnant with no one but my son. Of course there's other family, but no one like Janet. That's who I need. And I get it; she's working, but with the complications that I've been having with my pregnancy, you would think she would make time. I guess it's my fault for not telling her about it all, but I never have time to. Our phone calls barley last five minutes.

I cry every day...I cry ever night. Wishing that she would just come back and be with me. I'm mentally drained. Raising a 17 year old while being pregnant...with lupus is not an easy task at all, and I'm barely making it.

It's like she doesn't care. If she did, she would be here, but she's not. I'm slowly falling apart, and the only thing keeping me here is my children. I wake up every day for them.

There's little left holding me and Janet together, and it hurts just because we've been through so much, and I thought we would be forever. I don't know if it's my mind not thinking straight or what, but I can't deal with this much longer. I'm hurting too bad.