Only you- John Stones

Fun

Weeks had passed. Months had passed...It was now after a week off at christmas. Me and John had our glances from across the room and sometimes i felt my eyes were drawn to him, but nothing changed. We were collegues. Nothing more nothing less. He had liked my posts on instagram occasionally, and few likes of my story but nothing else really. I was expecting more from him, but i guess it was still fresh, a bit awkward. It was now Early January. I spent christmas alone, by my own accord, i wanted to be mature, i use to spend christmas with my family in Barnsley, they havent spoke to me much since leaving John. They believed John was the perfect man, he could support me, and i could stay home. I didnt like that, so as i did. I did most things alone now. It was fine. And the job was fine. It wasnt as hands on as I initially thought. I spent a lot of time just watching the sessions pan out. I also enjoyed playing one bounce on the indoor astros, whenever they asked me to play, i said yes. It was fun. I was happy despite having to see John everyday. We were okay. We spoke when we needed too. But the more time i spend with him the more i feel what i use to feel. Hes just so lovely to look at, and i find myself looking at him a lot. But I remember what happened and why i left, and those feelings seem to go. They linger but i have to chose myself. I chose to go, and going back on that. Is just silly.

Today was the fitness testing and i was meant to be in the gym, just helping out with whatever was necessary. It was fun, i learned new stuff all the time. I hoped maybe one day i would be able to get a promotion, doing something more practical maybe even analysing games. That seemed cool.

I was stood at the entrance of the gym, with a list in my hand. 5 groups were organised to split them off into different fitness testings. I just had to make sure each player went to the right spot. Simple.
"Morning"
"Hey Kyle. Station 4 please my love" i said as he walked towards me. I noticed john but i didnt feel much, maybe a twinge of sadness, im not quite sure. Its weird.
"Hey John. Station 1 please"
"Thank you" he smiled. He was in a good mood; makes my job easier. Later on i had to have a chat with each of them. Discuss their plan for the season. Any needs for days off, mental health checks. Injuries, anything like that.
"Kev. Group 1 as well please"

The day went pretty smoothly. But now was the interviewings. I had done most of the players. Next was Leroy.
"Hey Roy! How you doing?" I asked chirply, as he walked in.
"All good all good." He replied
"Fabulous!" I said as i cracked on with the questioning. It was a swift process, one comes in answers the necessary questions then they leave.
"Before i go"
"Yep" i replied. I already know.
"John kind of told us something. Im not sure whats made him tell us, youve been here a while. But i just feel you should know." He shuffled on his feet.
"He wants you back. And i dont think he will take no for an answer." He chuckled.
"Well it isnt up to him." He chuckled again.
"I want you to know though. I didnt do it because there was anyone else. I did it because i deserved better; and i just havent found it yet." I said proudly. I hadn't found any better than John, but i knew the right man existed. And he wasnt John.
"I know and we all warned him. He didnt know until it was too late." Leroy said
"I will love John always. But he wasnt who i knew and loved how i use to love him anymore. He changed. He didnt fight for me. He didnt do anything to stop me leaving. He even brought all my things to my apartment when i moved out. He didnt try to fix it."
"Oh"
"And thats why i want and deserve way more."
"Well good for you" he said
"Im sure he's missing out on a lot"

"Thank you Leroy. Catch up again soon."

"Next" shit. It was John.
"Hey" he said
"Hey John. Take a seat." I said professionally.
"So John how was your break."
"It was alright. Did a lot of gardening with my uncle." I chuckled.
"I genuinely did." He chuckled too.
"Well that's lovely. No holiday?"
"No havent for a year or so."
"Its nice to have a break."
"Yeah well..."
"Do you have any knocks or anything?"
"Im not quite sure. Just feel a bit rusty i think."
"Thats okay. You'll be eased into training again then. Thats completely fine."
"Yeah okay.
"Have you made any plans to book days off?"

"No..."
"No?"
"I mean unless someone dies, i dont really take days off."
"Are you in any commited relationship?" I ask. Its a question i ask everyone, and i hate asking John, scared one day he will say yes.
"No." Phew! That was a breath of fresh air. I didnt like that i cared, but i did. And there wasnt much i would and could do about it.
"So no labour or anything to expect." I chuckled, and so did he.
"Right there is a few more things then you are good to go."
The questions were asked and amswered quite simply, and eventually he was leaving. It was sad that it hurt me so much when he left. Any time we had to talk, those minutes felt so good.
"Before I go. I have to ask" he said quickly.
"Yeah whats up?" I questioned, flashing him a sweet smile, he smiled back.
"I'm having a new year party at my house. Everyone's invited, everyone means you too. So its at my house tomorrow night." He said.
"Ill see whats on my agenda" i said nicely as he left the room.
Fuck. A party. Shit.
The party was on my mind the whole rest of the day. Nothing could shift it, i loved a good party but i felt the need to dress to impress. Not even because of John i just thought. Maybe, someone else would be there. I just wanted to move on.

When i got back to my apartment i slumped onto my bed. For some bizzare reason i felt the need to look at my phone.

From John at 17:52pm
Hey, when you come to the party can we talk?

I sit for a minute. For god sake John. He never seemed to back down to a challenge. But this was he was loosing. I wasnt going back down that road with him.

To John at 17:59pm
We can talk yes. If its about us, then please dont bother, for the sake of both of us. We dont need to talk. We've had a year to talk and we didn't. See you tomorrow okay?

I thought it was a decent enough text. I was civil sure but i really couldnt be bothered with whatever excuse John was going to prize me with. I couldnt be fucked. I almost felt numb to the pain. But i can remember every kiss. Every holiday, its tough.
My phone vibrated.

From John at 18:12pm
Ok.

A simple reply, but i wasnt shocked. He was hurt. His ego most definitely was hurt too.