DADDY

One, Eight

"Blow out the candles,"  she said when looking into my eyes.

My mother has always been a pretentious woman, not just towards me.  It's the same with everyone in general.  That's why even her siblings stopped seeing each other.  None of our relatives are speaking to us at the moment.  They don't even meet.  She's all aware of her strange behaviour.  But right now, with my friends here, I have no intention of revealing it to her.  At least I won't let it spoil my mood today.

"Make a good wish... Close your eyes and make a good wish..." my father said.  My father was an interesting man.  I can't say that I like him very much, but he is considered better than my other family members.  He's a little naive or an idiot... I don't know.  Not for a moment does my mother speak of her words.  He can't even go to the toilet without her permission.  He irons, brings tea... I can't form a male profile by looking at him.  I haven't done that yet though.

“Don't be selfish, include me in your wish...” my brother said with a smile.  He always treated me a little differently. In quite an unpleasant way.  He's selfish.  Not long ago I didn't think it was malicious.  However, he has changed a bit since he decided to get married.  I could not have guessed that he would be such a selfish person in my life.  He is doing everything he does now to prepare for the time he gets married.  A small copy of my father, but somewhat more successful.  He seems ready to be his wife's dog, and even very enthusiastic about it.  Especially when I met his girlfriend's family and saw what he did to make them look cute, all my ideas about him changed to more disgust.

"Sister! You're 18 now!"  said my little brother.  I love him.  Pretty small, innocent... He has no idea about life.  He is so small that sometimes I feel sorry for him.  Or I was just like him at the time.  Being a kid is not a good thing.  Infancy is in trouble.  Fortunately, I have experienced a lot right now.  I'm turning eighteen and a new phase of my life has begun.  I feel free now.

Although the country I live in is certain...

Being 18 doesn't mean anything here.  At least most of the time.  Okay, you are 18 years old, and you are of legal age in the eyes of the state, but can you be a truly free individual when you are not in a position to earn money?

I do not think so.

That's why this house seems like a kind of prison to me.  A prison where I have to stay, where I somehow spend time in my room.  Not anymore.  But still, I'm not complaining too much.  They may be crazy people, but they're still not smart enough to hurt me.  They're trying, I'm aware of that.  But I think I managed to deal with them too.

My brother especially likes to crush me.  He tries to be justified in every way.  While doing this, he gets the support of my mother behind him.  My father can't get out of my mother's words anyway.  If my brother says he is right, he will have to obey him.  My father has no idea.  Everything depends on my mother for him.  He cannot act against her.  That's why I don't have much respect for him. I warned him in time too.  I wanted to direct him to act a little more like a man, but when I saw that it didn't work, I gave up trying.  I've had this since I was little.  My brother is a pretty lame kid on the outside.  But when he comes home, he takes all his ambition from me.  I have never liked this feature of him.  The weirdest part is that after he treated me badly, he acted like nothing happened.  That's pretty weird, they want me to keep up with it.  I was never used to doing this.

They tried the same with my little brother, but I won't let him anymore.  I've been against my older brother especially since I was 16 years old.  I will not allow them to apply the psychological torture they have done to me on him.  It won't be anymore.

Today, I am entering my eighteenth birthday with my friends.  I dreamed a lot of today.  I thought about what it would be like to be 18...

But not much different.

It even makes me feel a little bad.  Because I used to think that when I was 18 years old, everything would be very different, that I would be free and strong now.  But right now, I don't feel too strong, different, or changed at all.  I'm still tied here by invisible chains.

I also had more problems.  A few years ago, I wouldn't have cared so much about the university exams, but naturally, that's my only priority right now.  That's all I thought about.

I am sure that I will still be successful.  I already have good grades.  I've always been a girl who somehow succeeds in her studies.  This just creates a timing issue for me.  I will take the exam and everything will be over.  This much...

I filled my lungs with my breath.  I felt the pressure of the air on my lungs.  I used to think that as an 18-year-old I had to take responsibility, but now that has changed my mind.  Now I look at life differently.

I started blowing towards the candle.  The fire tried to resist a little.  It tried to fight the air escaping from my lungs but was unsuccessful.  It was thrown first to the right, then to the left, and finally disappeared.  Only smoke remained.  When the smoke began to soar into the air, I forced myself to close my eyes and dream.  But I couldn't do that.  I need to make a wish and make it clear in my mind, but I don't know what I want right now.  I'm not making any wishes about the exam.

What do I want?  Right now, if a magic genie came and granted me three wishes, I'm in a state of not knowing what to ask for.  It's weird, but I'm not surprised myself.  Everyone around me wants something one way or another.  Some are rich husbands, some have a good school, some are wealthy... Money, sexy people... I know people from all walks of life, but I don't know what I want.  All I want is to be in a dark place and sleep right now.  But right now I have to be here.  I need to join this theatre and look like one of them.  All my life I've thought differently from them in one way or another, but I've never had the chance to explain it.  I wasn't an ordinary girl, but I looked like that.  I am a boring girl with good classes... Nobody knows what's going on inside my head.

"What did you wish for?"  a friend asked.

"Health. Happiness. Peace."  I said.  After the answer I gave, my father was very happy, he was smiling.

I wonder what sin I committed in my previous life to be in such a shallow environment.  But it would be absurd for me to react now.  I have to manage somehow, so many people have come here for me and are celebrating my birthday.  They bought me gifts and congratulated me for living another year.  No matter how fake most of them are, it wouldn't be right for me to tell them.

"Well done, health is the most important thing in life. And family. Say something good for your family from now on. Your family will always be with you and they will be the only ones who will love you unconditionally."  said my mother.

My mother is a bit of an ignorant woman, sometimes she talks nonsense...

I was in a boring environment, but I cut the cake and started eating a slice.  A chocolate cake has been chosen, at least not in this sense.

While eating my cake, I kept thinking...

I'm 18...

Finally.

I don't feel like anything has changed...