DADDY

Squeaky Stairs

I don't even know how the whole week went.  My eyes searched for the new teacher in every math class, but he never came.

Instead, other professors took classes, and no one cared because we were solving tests in general anyway.

But what I was wondering about was the new future teacher... Nothing else.  I didn't follow the classes or do anything else.  I took the test in class as I always do.  I was already doing this, it was nothing new to me.

But what happened in my head was different than usual.  Out of curiosity about that mysterious dark-haired man, I realized that I couldn't get my head around the tests as usual.  I don't like this situation.  But it's still not something I can control.

I promised myself a lot that I would do what I had to do now, but even the rumours about this man were enough to distract my thoughts.  What's going on with me... I'm having trouble understanding it.  Why am I so curious about a man I've never seen before?  I don't know... All I know is that I'm probably going to be disappointed when I see it.  Because it is not right to have such high expectations.  It's also strange to daydream so much, especially about someone I've never seen... I can dream as much as I want in my world, but this is something else.

Also, I don't know why I think about him all the time... I think about it so much, but especially when I think of what Aysel said, my mind keeps getting confused again.  Because Aysel has told me many things before.  School-related issues, some talk about other students, rumours... I've heard a lot from her, but this is the first time I find myself thinking about something she told so much.  And about a teacher, I've never seen before...

Maybe the man is married.  Even so, I don't know if it matters to me either.  But since it comes to my mind even while solving the test, this occupies my mind a lot...

I wonder why I don't know why, but I still don't have a problem with it.  I just try not to think while trying to give myself to the lessons.  But the problem starts here... You don't want to think about a pink elephant in a room, the first thing that will come to your mind will be the pink elephant in the room.  That's why I can't do it, no matter how many times I repeat it to myself...

I often remind myself that I have tests to focus on, no matter how difficult and that I have an important job to do.  Of course, this is not enough.  Still no problem...

I can solve the tests later.  I try not to think about it when I get home, but even then, when I sit at the desk, I think of that dark-haired man again.  his face;  like a shadow ... I didn't give him a face in my dreams.  It doesn't matter to me anyway.  I don't think I will be physically affected by it.

That's not what's affecting me, there must be some other reason... I don't know... It makes me feel very strange to be so brooding over a man I haven't seen yet... But that's the beauty of it.  At least I feel something.  I have more intense emotions than ever before.  It's so nice to relive that.  It's like someone who has never seen before sees the blue of the sky.

The magic of that moment is so different and so impressive that I just enjoy it.  It is both an instinct I want to resist and a flood of emotions that I enjoy.  How contradictory... How chaotic...

It doesn't matter though.  After all, that man will not come and see me.  Maybe it won't even matter.  Because I'm not that popular girl in class at all.  I didn't become a girl who was friends with everyone, noticed by everyone, and stood out all of a sudden.

Maybe he may want to take special care of me because of my lecture notes, but I don't think that too much.  Why does he care about me?  I'm nobody... I'm a pretty ordinary girl.  I'm even a girl without feelings.  That's about to change though.  I started to feel something about him.  Strange but true... I'm surprised by that too.

Aysel came to me while I was sitting in the classroom.  As usual, she began to gossip and talk about other events.  I wanted to ask her... I was wondering if she had any idea about that teacher or if she heard something... Maybe she did.  I don't know...

But I am very curious about this.  I still couldn't.  Something stopped me.  I stopped.  I listened to her… Although she told me eleven things that didn't interest me, I seemed to be listening.  Normally, I don't find it right to be so fake sincerity towards people.  However, this time I feel stagnant again.  There was something more harmonious, quieter, and something that bothered my soul before... It's like something is suffocating from the inside.  But not anymore... Something started to change... It's like something is changing inside of me.  Something started to come to life in my soul.  I started to feel something inside of me again.  I feel anything... I'm not what I used to be.  I am no longer a body without a soul... I feel that I have a soul.  I like this change.  Just like a butterfly coming out of its cocoon... Wings are starting to grow... From inside of me and towards the beautiful blue skies...

I involuntarily smiled.

Aysel noticed this too.

"What happened? No... What do you think? I've never seen you like this... You seem so thoughtful these days, but that's not bad."  said.

"Why isn't it bad?"  I asked.  It means that she noticed the change in me too, everything that happens inside is reflected outside.

"Look at yourself, don't you ever look in the mirror? How happy you look... Your eyes sparkle. I've never seen you like this before. whatever happened, something good is going on. you don't tell me, but I understand."  said.

It was the first time she had spoken to me like that. She never talked about me before.  She used to tell the gossip around... She must have had ideas about me, but he wouldn't tell me that.  I was realizing that I didn't want her to say too much.  I didn't care about that.  Now I'm starting to care...   I wonder if I'm doing it because of my selfish wishes... So I'm just doing it for the next teacher or because I care about Aysel... I don't know...

However, what I felt inside began to be reflected in my behaviour.  And this is noticed... Time will tell whether it's a good thing or a bad thing.

I said, "I don't know, it's just... Classes or something is going well..."  I couldn't think of anything else to say.  No matter what I say, it won't make any sense.  Somehow I don't have a chance to tell her my true feelings.  She doesn't understand me.  Even if she does, it doesn't matter.  I don't like to open up to other people.

"Sis, everything has been a lesson for you too..." she said with a smile.  "Anyway... that teacher I told you about... the math teacher."

At that moment, I had to force myself not to open my eyes excessively and look at her.  I didn't want it to make any difference.

"Hmmm... what's wrong with him..." I said, trying to sound half uninterested.

"He's the first lesson tomorrow. I'll come early in the morning just for him. I wonder what the man is like..." she said happily.

I share the same thoughts as her, but I can't tell her that...

Coming tomorrow...

I'll finally see him, the mysterious brunette man... Karan...

Did I feel something for him? I don't know...