I jumped forward, gasping for air as I looked back and forth, slowly realizing where I was.
My front porch. It's still dark outside, and I still have my bookbag on. Why am I sleeping on my front porch? I don't remember even getting here. I just remember walking home and... I had a nightmare. I must've fallen asleep here.
What the fuck is going on?
Ten minutes passed before I walked inside, thankfully finding my normal mother on our normal couch, eating normal popcorn while watching a normal TV show.
"Hey, where you been? I was starting to get worried," she called as I threw my bookbag onto the floor, immediately falling onto the couch beside her.
Embarrassing as it was, I did it anyway. I put my head onto her shoulder as I let out a silent breath, hoping that this wasn't a dream. If it was, please don't let him be here.
A moment, that's all I wanted, a moment.
"Hey, are you okay?" Mom asked in a softer voice. I can't remember the last time I hugged my mom, less touched her.
I used to run to her room every time I had a nightmare, or everytime I drew her a picture and gave it to her I'd hug her.
"Yeah. Just tired."
I'm scared, mom. I'm really scared. I'm terrified to even sleep, I'm not safe in the hallways of random parties, I'm not safe in my own classroom. My own mind is against me, maybe I need to start going to therapy or something.
"I'm gonna go to sleep," I slowly stood up from the couch, grabbing my bookbag as I started to walk to the hallway.
"Honey?"
I turned back around, ready to see my mother staring back at me with a worried expression, only for a faint moment, it wasn't her.
It wasn't Jaxon either, but the image of my mother with two large holes burnt through her eyes wasn't something I ever wanted to imagine.
"I love you."
I turned away from her quickly, keeping my gaze on the floor as my chest started to tighten once again, reminding me that I might not ever be able to breathe again.
"I love you too."
~
It was Wednesday. I stayed home Tuesday, not like it helped anything. My head still felt cloudy and overcrowded.
The only difference today made was the mission I'm on.
Lola and Zoey were no help, they knew nothing about Jaxon. Or nothing I could ask them about anyway.
Andi Rogers was the closest person to Jaxon. If I'm gonna figure out anything, it'll be from her.
The problem is, I wasn't able to talk to her that one time in sixth grade when she asked me to trade science papers with her, that's how she ended up asking someone else.
I couldn't talk to her the other time when she asked me where room 244 was.
How the hell am I possibly gonna ask her about her dead boyfriend I didn't even know?
Like Monday, and yesterday, it's raining. The sounds of everyone's shoes squeaking all over the floor was nothing new, but today it bothered me more than it usually did.
There's three floors to our school. My first period is on the second, so it'll be easy to get to from wherever the hell Andi's first period is.
Of course I don't have to track her down right now, I have an entire day. I don't think I've ever even seen her in the mornings.
