I skipped school again. Not on purpose, I woke up an hour after my alarm went off but I went straight back to sleep.
Mom hasn't noticed yet, it's not like me. It's not like it matters either way, though. I excel in all of my classes, I don't try to. There's nothing else to think or pay attention to other than the studies.
Now there is.
No, I'm moving on. I'm leaving it behind. He's a kid who died. A random kid I didn't know. The moment I'm done fixating on it, I'll stop having these weird dreams and visions.
The sound of my doorbell caused me to turn my head to my open bedroom door. Mom isn't home, who the hell is here?
I dreaded answering it but I pulled myself up anyway, slowly making my way to the front door. I jerked it open without peeping out the window first, I wished I did.
I'm not prepared for who's in front of me at all. Why or how she's here, I don't know, but this is the first time we've held eye contact this long.
Andi Rogers is on my front doorstep, a book bag over her shoulder and her hair tossed to the side. I wish I had time to capture the image but I don't want to, she's giving me a death glare that's making me want to puke.
"Can I come in?"
"Well, uh, I-.. Uh-" she stepped right past me anyways, walking into my living room as I could do nothing but stand there in complete confusion.
Is this a vision, too? She isn't eyeless, so that's a good start.
She immediately sat down onto the couch, dropping her book bag between her legs and unzipping it. For a moment I feared the worst when she reached into it, fortunately for me she only pulled out a familiar notebook.
Slapping it down onto the table, her eyes darted back to me.
I'd never seen eyes like hers before. They were a very bright vibrant color of brown, yet they were so mean. Sharp. I'm sure if she wanted me to die, her look could kill me alone.
It looks like she wants me to die.
"Why were you at Ms. Bennet's?"
Tom. I guess he must've told her when he gave her the book, and she probably knows about that old lady too. I guess this is a normal reaction, to be angry with me.
"Me and Tom were-"
"How do you know Tom?"
"Well I-, talked to him at lunch and-"
"Why? What reason did you have to talk to Tom?"
She was grilling me. Eating me alive almost. She knows.
"I saw Jaxon's dead body, okay?"
She fell silent, as suspected. Her barrage of heavy weighted questions was starting to actually piss me off. I didn't think Andi Rogers would ever be pissing me off, but here we are.
"You were with Jessica?" She asked, a sort of disgusted tone in her voice.
"What? No. I-.. I snuck into the morgue."
"Why the fuck would you do that?" She suddenly snapped. I wish she didn't look so gorgeous right now.
"Because fucking Bobby Brown showed me a picture of his dead corpse, the fuck else was I supposed to do? I didn't get much peace of mind after seeing something like that, I got curious. Now it's fucking with me and I can't get any fucking sleep," I spun around, slapping my hand to my face immediately.
This wasn't how I expected my first time meeting Andi Rogers to go. To be honest I never actually saw myself meeting her. I daydreamed like an idiot kid that I'd save her from a robber, a goddamn book falling on her head, when she was tripping in the hall or something.
I even daydreamed she would walk up to me and strike up a conversation. Weird things I'd never admit to a single soul, ever, but in my mind I'm at least safe with myself.
I yelled at the girl I liked. I've never wished for Jaxon Walker's slow death more than this moment.
But isn't this just my fault? Can I blame him?
Does it matter?
"He knew he was going to die."
The sentence threw me into a frenzy immediately. Moving my hand away from my eyes I slowly turned back around, looking at Andi who still stared up at me like she wanted to gut me.
"What?"
She paused, looking down to the notebook in front of her. So I was right. Something in there did hint to his death.
Slowly I moved onto the floor, sitting in front of the table with Andi sitting in front of me.
"The day before he died," she paused, her eyes moving up to the ceiling as I suddenly noticed she was starting to cry.
"He came over crying and asking me to take him back. He kept telling me he was going to die, I just thought he meant that whole 'I'll die without you' thing. Now that I'm thinking back, he didn't mean he wanted us together again, he just wanted someone to hear him."
He knew he was going to die. If it was suicide, he was planning it and wanted Andi a final time before he went through with it. If it was murder, he already knew someone was going to kill him.
Wait.
He kept Tom a secret. Could he have possibly led it on that way to Andi, too? Begging for her back as a cover up to say, "help, I'm going to die, help me."
That's an unlikely case but it seems like it'd make sense if his parents were involved. Trying to tell her his truth while also keeping her safe.
Fuck me for saying I'm done getting involved. I'm too far in.
"He didn't kill himself," she slid the book towards me, blinking her tears away instead of wiping her eyes.
Her makeup, I'm sure, but her eyes don't look scary anymore. They're glossy and faintly sparkling because of the tears on her lashes, and they're rounder than before. More exposed. More vulnerable.
Jaxon probably loved her eyes too.
"I'm sorry for crying," she said quickly, now wiping her eyes and turning away from me.
I don't care if she cries in front of me.
"You can cry, I don't really mind," I said silently, slowly reaching for the notebook but she latched onto it before I could pick it up.
"I'm only showing you this because I don't want it anymore. And neither does Tom. Since you seem to be obsessed with my dead ex boyfriend, you can have it."
And back we go to the anger. I can't tell if her opening up to me was her way of giving me a go at continuing this kindergarten investigation, or just because she couldn't help it. I wonder if she's told Tom all of this.
"I'm... Sorry," I said slowly, she was already halfway to the door, still zipping up her bag.
She turned to me, "for what?"
I thought it'd be obvious.
"For Jaxon. But I'm gonna-... Figure this out," I tried to say in the most reassuring way possible, but it came out strained and creaky. Fuck me.
"Okay Sherlock Holmes, you do that."
She was laughing at me. Andi Rogers smiled at me. She left without another word, I sat dumbfoundedly in my own living room.
I kind of want to die.
