I've Never Stopped Loving Chris Mallon

CH 13 - Thoughts

Ever since I stumbled upon a blowjob video, I was obsessed with the idea of having my lips wrapped around something long and thick and hard. I didn't care about being on the receiving end. I just wanted something hot on my tongue. Too bad I had no one to practice on. I settled for shoving anything of the right size and length into my throat. It was a hobby of sorts. Not in a million fantasies, though, could I have predicted that I would end up giving blowjobs to my bully in high school's bathroom stall, but I'm not complaining. Reality is sometimes better than fantasy. Even more now that I've learned to pace myself, and Chris learned not to come the moment I touch him.

It's been three weeks since then. Bathroom stall blowjobs became a regular thing for us. Chris stopped making a show of summoning me and started slipping me notes with a time he wants us to meet written on them. I find those notes in my locker every two or three days. When I come into the stall, no words are exchanged between us. He pulls his cock out, and I wrap my lips around it. It makes me feel dirty, ashamed, and crazy turned on. I don't even care that I don't get to come. That I think of math until I get rid of my erection. That I jerk off in the shower hours later, and then have a 5-second long actual shower because I don't want my family to wonder what is taking me so long.

It's been three weeks since the last time Chris hurt me. Three weeks without punches or insults. Brian and Julian still give me a hard time, but they feel inconsequential compared to Chris. For the first time since I started high school and Chris singled me out, walking through hallways doesn't feel like walking through minefields. I don't have to watch each step in fear of explosion. It gives me a sense of control. Not much, but enough. Chris mellows down after orgasm, becomes almost nice. I like that version of Chris. A lot.

All in all, my life has gone from hell to pretty damn good with a single blowjob. I expected to be tormented until the day Chris graduates. I expected to fear for my life every day until the school year ends. This... feels too good to be true. Too good to last.

Chris reaches up and cups my cheek in his hand. He does that sometimes. Touches my face after he comes. It feels nice. I want to lean into the touch like a cat, but I force myself to stay still.

"My parents won't be home until late tomorrow. Come to my house at three," he says.

It takes me a few moments to make sense of his words. When I do, fear slithers through my veins.

High school is where Chris did a lot of bad things to me, but I also feel like there are lines he won't cross while teachers and students surround us. He broke my wrist in the alley, not in the school. So, the idea of leaving school's protection, no matter how small it is, and going to his house, on his turf, where he can do whatever he wants to me without anyone ever finding out, makes me anxious.

I take a deep breath and try to calm down my rapidly rising heartbeat. Think, Brandon, think. Why does he even want me to go to his place? Sex. That's the only reason I can come up with.

"You... want to... have sex?" I ask. Because I need to know if that's what he meant.

"Yes." He's stroking my cheek in a circular motion. It's a gentle touch, and I can't keep myself from leaning into it.

The prospect of having sex with Chris makes me equal parts excited and terrified. I want to have sex. But, I want it with someone who's going to lay kisses all over my body, whisper to me that everything is going to be all right, work my body over until it turns to putty in their hands, and only then slide into me, ensuring my first time would be as painless as possible. Chris isn't that someone.

"I... don't know." I don't know if I want this or not. I'm scared you're going to hurt me, and I don't want the pain to be all that I remember of my first time.