I've Never Stopped Loving Chris Mallon

CH 51 (7) - Distractions and Discussions

Chris, three and half months after the breakup

I grab the barbell. Head neutral. Chin up. Spine straight. Heels pressed into the floor. Core engaged. Hips thrust forward. I lift the barbell. Hips pushed back. Weight past the knees. I return the barbell into the starting position. This is the fifth time I'm in the gym this week. Two times is my usual. I haven't felt like going home after I'm done with clients. Three sets. Twelve reps. Ashley's been even more quiet than usually. He's confirmed the bullies have apologized to him. But that hasn't cleared the air. Hasn't lessened the weight of what he knows and what he has to hide from Katya. Barbell on front shoulders. Wrists over elbows. I press the barbell over my head. Elbows locked. Shoulders shrugged. I return the barbell into the starting position. I know he's upset, but I don't know what to do about it. I don't even know how to act around him now that he knows the truth. Three sets. Twelve reps. Katya's been quiet as well. Picked up on the tension. I lower down. Drive back up. Something is wrong. I can still think. I don't want to think. It's because I rest between reps. I don't need rest.

Deadlifts. Overhead presses. I repeat. Repeat. Repeat. It fucking hurts. I love it. Back squats. Bench presses. I repeat. Repeat. Repeat. It fucking burns. I relish it. Diamond push-ups. My muscles protest. I do five. My hands shake. I do ten. My body collapses. I'll regret this tomorrow. But it was nice while it lasted. The emptiness.

Brandon, three and half months after the breakup

"Wow." I stare at the mirror. "This is... wow. You have such incredible talent." Staring back at me is a face half-human and half-cheetah. There is no clear line dividing the two. The colors blend until it's impossible to tell where the human ends and the animal begins. Like we're one and the same.

I spent the last hour sitting in a chair with my eyes closed. I could feel Zack's fingers and brushes moving over my skin. I could hear him making comments about the products he uses and the ways he blends the colors. None of that helped me envision what he'll change me into. After all, those comments weren't for me, but for the camera filming his work and the subscribers waiting to watch the video once it's edited.

I can't stop staring at the finished product. It's incredible. "Why cheetah?"

"Because of your eyes. You have the most incredible eyes."

I turn to Zack, surprised. Chris said that, too. That I have gorgeous eyes. I'm not sure if I believed him. I thought he was saying that to make me feel better about myself. But Zack has no reason to lie to me. "I don't understand... my eyes are brown... what is it that you find so incredible about them?"

"Brown? Are you kidding me? Your eyes aren't brown. They're the color of molten gold."

Chris, four months after the breakup

"I had a wart. It started small, but filled out like my son when he hit a growth spurt in fifth grade. Did you know my son is 6.4 feet tall? It was so ugly. Big and thick and some whitish-yellowish color and it hurt like hell when I stepped on it."

"I'm really sorry to hear that. But if we could go back to the topic of investments? I researched—"

"I tried to get rid of it alone. The warm water and pumice stone didn't help, so I tried salicylic acid, but I used too much of it and burned the skin around the wart. Doctors tried freezing it with nitrogen something, but it didn't do much aside from making it hurt more. In the end, it had to be removed with a scalpel!"

My fingers clench with the need to wrap around my client's throat. I drag them through my hair instead. Be rational, Chris. Choking this woman to death would get you fired and sent to prison. You want to avoid that. I put a pleasant smile on my face. "That sound painful. I hope you're all right. About the investments. I would suggest allocation of assets—"

"Turned out one of my foot bones is longer than the other, so it hits the ground with more force and causes calluses to form while walking." She shakes her head in disbelief. "How could I go my whole life without knowing that one of my foot bones is longer than the other?"

"That's awful. Good thing you had money for treatment, right? To keep it that way—"

"That brings me on the topic of ingrown nails. It happened to me once. I wouldn't wish that on anyone." She takes my hands in hers and examines my nails. "You have good nails. Cut short. Clean. I wish my husband would take care of his nails. The ones on his hands are all right, but the ones on his feet..."

I glance through the window. My office is on the sixth floor. It's a sixty feet drop to the ground. I contemplate jumping. That would certainly end this conversation and save me the impending psychotic break. Too bad it would also end my life. I sigh and resign to listening about my client's husband's hygiene.

Brandon, four months after the breakup

Jamie's a big fan of all things Australia. I'm not. The last time we were touring there I woke up to a large spider staring at me. I screamed. It jumped on me. I've been holding a grudge against Australia since then. Still, I made sure that Oceania's leg of the tour would be perfect.

I find Jamie outside. He's sitting in the grass and playing tug of war with Bark.

I sit beside him and pet Bark. "Do you have a minute? I want to hear your thoughts on Oceania's plan."

"Oh, Oceania." His eyes spark. "Yes, tell me."

"The plan is to start with three consecutive concerts in Melbourne. Promo. Three more in Sydney. Promo. A big one in Brisbane and a smaller one in Darwin. Two weeks of exploring the Northern Territory and resting, hopefully without encountering anything that would kill us. Concerts in Adelaide and Perth. Promo. Three consecutive concerts in Auckland. A few days of exploration and rest before a flight to Manila and a start of the Asian leg of the tour." I give him a stack of papers that contain the full schedule. "What do you think?"

"Hmm."

"Hmm?! What does hmm mean?!"

"You haven't mentioned koala adoption."

I stare at him. "Koala adoption?! You can't adopt a koala. Where would you keep it?"

"Then just for a month. While we're in Australia."

I sigh. "Again. Where would you keep it?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. That's why I have you to plan these things." He gives me puppy eyes. "Please."

That look. That look is what makes everyone adore him. I'm not immune to its effect either. "Fine. You can adopt a koala. But just for a month!"

He grins. "Good. Then you can go through with the plan for Oceania. I approve."