not easy. chapter 1

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It's not easy , It really isn't,  thousand of thoughts running through my mind , it's almost impossible to not break down in tears as I hear "you're fucking worthless" , "why are you so ugly?" , I can't ignore them. "HEYYYY" lizzie screams in my ear , I think they just exploded , "OH my god liz,  when will u stop?" , "Never" she says almost sarcastically I can't tell if she means it or not. "So how have been  things for u?" She breaks the silence after a while , "they're ok , you?" I question her , "yeah they're
not bad" she says , "hey so-" the bell rings.  "Nevermind I gotta go to maths see you later lizzie." I say disappointed, "yea ok"
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I sit down in my seat , thinking why this stupid ass class was made in the first place not like anybody wants to learn it , A girl sits down next to me , "hi!" She says high pitched . "Oh hi." I say smashing my head on my desk being drained as fuck. "RIGHT PAGE 254 PLEASE." teacher screams,  god can she be any fucking louder.
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I wake up as I'm being shooken awake by my partner , "what do you want" I look at her not breaking eye contact . "Its time to get up,  class ended " she says , I groan and start to stand up picking up my bag from the floor. "Move." I say , she moves away but I can feel her following me , "what do you fucking want then?"
She looks at me.
"Your name?" , I look at her annoyed rolling my eyes , "it's jess." She just looks at me , "the depressed one or..." , "yes the depressed one now get out of my sight."I say sighing
I still don't get why I'm known as that is it cuz I look like it or just act like it?
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I drag myself to the cafeteria know that if I don't sit down I'll collapse on the floor and pass out
I take a seat on a bench next to lizzie and other annoying students that just stare at me in disgust . "I know ,  I'm so pretty right but there's no need to stare." I say knowing I look like absulote shit right now.
"Alright calm down jess" says lizzie in shock that I finally defend myself.
I just look at her and take out my food taking my first bite which feels like heaven cuz I haven't eaten everything since I took step in this hell
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The bell rings I pack my containers in my bag again and step away from the bench glad the days over.
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It feels so good to be outside , is this how heaven feels like?
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I pull out my keys and twist them into my front door , I push and step foot into my  house taking off my shoes , "hey" my mum greets me , "hi" I say plainly mostly cuz I couldn't care less about her . I walk to my room and the first thing I grab is my phone as I just throw myself onto my bed I i click on tiktok and start scrolling. I change into my pjs and just start sleeping because I'm just so drained it's not possible not to sleep.
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If someone actually reads this I'll be shocked this was my dream tysm another chapter coming out today💗

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