If I'm there

FOUR

two weeks later

I'd put Mia down for her afternoon nap, hoping to get some things done. she'd been fussy for the past few days.
she'd kept Noah and I  awake at night. We'd resulted in taking turns so the other could sleep.
As I stood in the kitchen, making snacks for tonight's "family meeting" as Noah and I called it, I let a sigh escape from my body.  The utter exhaustion going beyond my face. I'd felt it in my bones.
hours go by, Mia is up and crawling around on the hardwood floor.
"Lillian .. you home?" I hear a voice from the hall.
"When am I not, jolly." My eyes rolled to the back of my head as I softly chuckled.
He gave me a side hug and pats my head.
"hej söta tjej" jolly bends down to Mia. I see her smile revealing the two bottom teeth she'd cut at the beginning of the week.
"You are so good with her. she loves you ya know." I smile leaning in the door way.
"Well, I don't know about that, she seems to like nick and liyah more." he nervously chuckles.
"are you kidding? She doesn't smile like that at either of them. Give yourself the credit. You are uncle jolly and you don't have a choice in the matter." I laugh.
" then so be it, I'll see you later lily, excited for the pre tour meeting " he paused picking Mia up from the floor.  " and I'll see you  before bed time,"

*after dinner*
We'd all gathered on the sectional, and from left to right, nick and Aliyah, jolly and Charlotte, Nicholas and I , Bryan and Matt , sat. Noah cleared his throat
"First order of business." He announces as Mia cooed in her crib. "The shows are completely sold out and the tour hasn't even started."
Cheers came from around the room, causing Harper to howl from the next room.
"dudes, instrument inspection and inventory in the morning, then we are packing that shit up."
"Next, ladies.." he makes a stupid face. Tucking his bottom lip in between his teeth. "you are ALL attending this years tour."
I see Noah's eyes dart toward Noah.
"what about Mia?" a question that crossed all of our minds. Coming from a quiet jolly.
"yeah, why not bring her too? It'd be fun." Nicholas shrugged.
"majority vote on bringing the baby human." Noah shrugs

As the family meeting went on and the anticipation etched and ate at my soul, nick finally spoke.
"that settles it then. Mia's coming with us on tour. Bad omens has a mascot baby." He laughed

Aliyah nodded in agreement, "I think it's a great idea. We'll all take turns looking after her during the shows and rehearsals."

Charlotte added, "And I'm sure she'll love all the music and attention. We can even set up a mini crib backstage for her." She joked
Bryan and Matt exchanged glances, then Bryan spoke up, "Alright, but we should also discuss logistics though. We need to ensure Mia's safety  on the road."

Nicholas, who had been quiet, finally spoke, "I agree. We'll need baby-proofing supplies but also, I think it would be such a fun time and neither of us would miss her firsts."

An expression of relief had washed over jollys face as he smiled and opened his mouth to speak.
"I actually can't wait and I'm so excited for us all to be there for her firsts. our little / big family.. together again. but just so you fuckers know- I'm the best uncle."

Everyone chuckled at Jolly's enthusiasm, and Charlotte looked over and  playfully teased him, "You might become her favorite uncle, you know."
"EWW,"
"get a room"
Came from all over causing Charlotte so roll her eyes.

"I don't.. think so.." nick sassed.
"she loves all of you equally. But she will never love anyone more than she loves her dad." I say as Noah steals a quick glance at me, grinning.

As the discussion continued, the sense of unity within the group became even more apparent.
Matt , taking a moment to pause and gather his thoughts, asked a question that had been on his mind, "Have you all told the fans about Mia yet?"

Noah  raised an eyebrow, "We should probably discuss how we want to handle that. It's a big change, and we don't want to surprise them."

Aliyah nodded in agreement, "We should consider when and how to make the announcement, maybe even involve Mia in a cute way. I mean they know who she is, Lillian's niece but it's different now."
I listened to the discussion about sharing the news of Mia with their fans, my  heart warmed by the genuine concern noahs bandmates had for our  little addition to the family.

I chimed in, "I think it's wonderful that you all want to include Mia in this journey. It's true; our fans have seen her grow. We owe it to them to share this special part of our lives with them, but we also need to protect her privacy."

Noah nodded, appreciating Lillian's input. "Exactly. We'll find a balance. Maybe we can start with some cute photos or videos of Mia on our social media to introduce her officially."

Nicholas added, "And then, during a show, we can make a surprise announcement with her on stage. That way, it'll be memorable for everyone."

Jolly, still holding Mia, spoke up, "I think we should let Lillian and Noah decide when they're comfortable. It's their daughter, after all."
"Thank you jolly, we will figure it out when the time comes."

With a plan in motion and a shared sense of excitement for the tour and our evolving family dynamics, the meeting drew to a close. As we said our goodnights, we  couldn't help but feel grateful for the support and love we shared as a band and as friends. Family.
later that night,
After everyone had left, I'd put Mia down for bed closing the door slightly.
"Hey, could you listen for Mia, I'm going outside for a second." I creeped into jollys doorway.
"Yeah, I'll listen." he nodded.
I crept down the stair way, passing Noah on the couch silently.
I'd always found enjoyment in sitting out side at night.
sitting in utter silence, being able to sort through thoughts.
but with thoughts, came overthinking and the feeling of being overwhelmed.
I felt warm tears roll down my cheeks.

I  sat on the porch steps, the cool night air enveloping me as I  tried to sort through my thoughts. However, tonight was different. The weight of my responsibilities, both as a mother and a member of the band, had begun to feel overwhelming.
As I  sat in silence, my thoughts began to spiral out of control, and a sense of anxiety washed over me .my  chest tightened, and my  breathing quickened. It was as if a storm of worry and self-doubt had engulfed me.

Unknowingly , Noah had noticed my absence and followed me  outside. When he saw me in distress, he rushed to my  side, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me  close.

startled by his presence,  looked at him with tear-filled eyes. I  couldn't find the words to express the whirlwind of emotions inside me, but Noah didn't need words. He wrapped his arms around me , pulling me close, and i buried my face in his chest, sobbing.

Noah held me  tightly, providing the comfort and reassurance I  needed in that moment. We  sat together in the darkness, knowing that even amidst the chaos of our  lives, we  had each other to lean on.
Lily, it's okay," he whispered, his voice filled with concern. "You're not alone in this. We're a team, and we'll figure it out together. Nothing can stop us. "
that statement had made me sob  harder than I had been already doing.
"promise?"
             "Promise."