If I'm there

TEN.

she'd sat there, perched in the blue patio chair. . The air hung still, charged with the quiet intensity of creative flow . Riley's hands,carefully traced lines on the sketchbook's paper. In the dappled sunlight, the landscape of Chris' front lawn unfolded on the page. Shadows whispered secrets, and highlights danced with the nuanced strokes of Riley's charcoal-stained fingers.
"I know you're back there lil.." Riley says quietly without moving her eyes from what she was doing.
"Where did you learn to draw like that?" I asked
"just something I picked up I guess." She sighed.
" you're really good at it." I leaned against the archway of the door.
"Thanks.." she went back to drawing.
" come in soon, we are gonna make a game plan" I turn."and maybe disrespect our surroundings in Chris' living room. " a laugh escapes me.
some odd moments later she appears in the living room, sketchbook in hand.
"okay so, I think, we can go to target and get things for dinner and then fire up the grill as soon as we get back?" Ricky suggests
"well, I don't wanna take all of you to target though. We know what happened last time" Chris says, tapping his fingers on the white marble.
we eventually decided on Ricky, Nicholas, Laney, liyah ,Riley and I going to target.
Meaning the others would stay.
"GOD KNOWS IVE TRIED , BUT BROKEN, IVE BOWED TO THE BEAST INSIDE" we scream the lyrics to porcelain.
"not my best work." Ricky says turning down the radio that laney had ripped wide open.
"yooo who wants to start a mosh pit in Chris' living room? Think we can get Justin to join?" Laney asks.
"Chris will bust your ass" Ricky snorts
"I'd love to see that" i giggle.
as we had pulled into the target parking lot, we piled out and walked inside. The amount of red at target is so tacky to me,  but what can ya do?
"We need hot dogs and a case of beer." Ricky sighs. "Let's split up."
"Are you stupid?" Riley snorted . "Those two can't be trusted." She said pointing her finger between aliyah and I, Nicholas giving a chuckle.
"You two have been friends for so long I don't know who the bad influence is." He snorted.

As I wandered through the aisles of Target with Laney and Aliyah, their laughter echoed against the shelves. Laney was balancing a pack of socks on her head, pretending to be a model, while Aliyah was tossing candy into the cart with abandon. To think.. they were not fond of one another at the start.

I left Aliyah and Laney to see nic, he'd been quietly walking behind Ricky and Riley.
"I heard you guys laughing all the way across the store, did you leave those two alone" he smiled.
"Ugh, yeah.. I did." I sighed softly, "third wheeling between two friends isn't my forte"
"Hmm I DEFINITELY wouldn't know how that feels" he rolled his eyes, chuckling.
"You're Not funny. I feel like I've been third wheeling with everyone but Mia lately. That's the time of day I love most, when it's me and Mia and no one else because I tell her my feelings and some how she just-"
I glance at him, noticing that we had walked out side to Ricky's car.
"I get it lil." He leans against the grey sedan, "it gets hard being a parent. Especially to a one year old and a teenager. but you've got a really good support system. I'm here. Noah's here. We are all here and if you need a second, just say so."
"I just feel like I'm loosing myself in my kids, I love Riley and Mia. but I just don't feel like me any more." A tear slips down my cheek.
"come here. we all still love you the same"
he was right. I needed a break. from the tour, from the kids. Noah. everything. but why does that make me feel so terrible?
"It's mom guilt." nic replies. Red faced and slightly embarrassed, I reply "shit , didn't realize I said that out loud."
"It's okay. We'll love  you regardless."
"Even at my worst?"
"Even at your absolute worst."