Shameless - lestappen

9- Closed Doors

Yes, I look happy, happy all the time
But you don't see me, see me when I cry
I can't find an open door
When I try, it breaks me more
Should I quit and should I go
Should I leave this all behind?

- Ismail

9

Charles Leclerc

I pass my tongue over my swollen lower lip to remove the drop of blood.

I take my phone to look at the condition of my sore lip that has changed color. I know in advance that it will be a matter of several days.

That's not what bothers me the most. I can't help but be mad at me.

I'm angry because I thought for a short moment that the Dutchman was going to kiss me and I know I wouldn't have done anything about it.

I'm angry I didn't react, but I'm even more frustrated because Verstappen saw that I wasn't reacting, that I wasn't pushing him away.

It's disgusting of him to play with me because he knows I like men.

But at this moment I am particularly concerned with wondering what would have happened if, in another reality, the Dutchman had not bit my lip but placed his lips on mine instead.

I have to keep moving away from the Dutchman. I have to pretend he doesn't exist. I don't have to give him the importance he has in my thoughts.

I'm going back to my engineer trying to keep a neutral face. I sit next to him and pick up my pasta dish.

He looks at me, frowned.

"What did Max want? And what have you done to your lips?

I try to look as detached as possible when I answer her questions.

- You know Verstappen, he wanted to remind me that it was he who would win the gp in Miami. And I just bit my lip, don't worry about it. "

My engineer nods and picks up where he had to leave off because of the intervention of the redbull pilot. My attention is far from here, lost in the sensation of the lips that had touched mine a few moments earlier and I do not listen to a word he says to me.

Race day Miami 2022

Max Verstappen

When I get to the paddock that morning, I'm in a bad mood.

I'd rather stay locked up in my hotel room, do nothing all day, talk to no one and let people forget about me a little bit.

But I have to be polite, listen to what I'm told and do what I'm told.

My metabolism is gradually returning to normal and I don't have to worry about my diabetes anymore. I can handle it as usual, keeping an adequate diet and using my insulin pump on my chest.

I quickly join my team and my garage. I'm late as usual but it doesn't matter to them as long as I win the championship a second time.

My phone is vibrating in my pocket. Each time, my heart missed a beat and anguish climbs to my throat.

I'll take it out and look at the screen.

Armand: I miss you darling, I'll come and see you during the day?

I'm trying to hide the panic that's building up inside me. I don't want to see him, especially not on a Formula One weekend.

Especially when Charles isn't far away.