Shameless - lestappen

15- Call out my name

Guess I was just an other pit stop
'Til you made up your mind
You just wasted my time

- The Weeknd

15

GP Azerbaijan 2022

Charles Leclerc

I haven't seen the Dutch driver since the night in Monaco two weeks ago. We haven't spoken since.

I feel so good since we got closer. I never thought that I could get along with him and that he could become desirable to my eyes.

I'm anxious to see him again, but I'm also very concerned. I don't know if I'd be able to behave normally around him without looking suspicious. I feel like it says "I like the F1 World Champion" on my forehead.

I especially don't want to hurt the Dutchman. People don't know about his sexuality and I doubt he wants to share that.

Besides, I don't really know what his relationship with Armand is. He seems to say that they're not really together, but Armand told me otherwise.

It's probably just something sexual between them. But I don't know if Armand would be happy to hear that we kissed, so I need to keep my mouth shut.

I try to think about how to react when I see the Dutchman but every time I imagine him looking at me, the feeling of his hands under my shirt comes back to me and my cheeks immediately warm up.

I obviously want to tell Pierre everything but I can't afford it. Because what happened in that mansion must remain in that mansion, the contract I signed was very clear. But above all because I don't want to make the Dutch man uncomfortable and outing him.

***

Race weekend

Obviously, I'm having a lot of trouble concentrating this weekend. As soon as I see someone wearing a red bull polo in the paddock I feel my heartbeat racing until I realize it's not the Dutch driver.

This happens very regularly given the number of people who wear a redbull t-shirt around.

Obviously my lack of concentration does not go unnoticed by my team and I feel everyone tense. They're afraid I'll make a mistake on the circuit by deconcentration.

Today I have a press conference with Daniel, Pierre and... the one who's starting to freak me out.

I'm getting ready with my press officer who gives me the latest recommendations. I can't count the number of times I wiped my palms on my pants in just five minutes.

I'm waiting at the entrance to the conference room and I'm not going to sit on the couch directly like I'm used to.

When Pierre finally joins me, I go in with him.

My eyes immediately land on the redbull driver chatting with Daniel.

His eyes turn to Pierre and me.

I smile softly at him, having no idea what I should do. Pierre greets the two drivers by shaking their hands. I do just like him.

While I'm grabbing the Dutchman's hand to shake it, my gaze plunges into his but does not detect any particular emotion.

I have no idea what he thinks or feels when he sees me here. His behaviour is constant and unchanged.

I know he's very good at hiding things. He's shown it to me many times. Between his illness, his bruises and his sexual orientation... the only reason I know about it is because he wanted me to.