Shameless - lestappen

16- I love you

The smile that you gave me
Even when you felt like dying
- Billie Eilish

16

Charles Leclerc

I wonder if someone will ever really love me and not use me.

Would anyone want me one day for real?

When I find Pierre after leaving the Dutchman driver's room, I am in a bad state.

My best friend quickly notices. He passes an arm over my shoulders without speaking and we walk silently towards the exit of the paddock.

Only once in the hotel room, away from the intrusive gaze of the outside world, do we speak.

"What's the matter, Charles?

I want to confide so much that I decide to do it. Partially.

- I met a man at a private party, and we kissed, and it was pretty intense.

- Woo why didn't you tell me?

- Because the guy in question is in a relationship. And his boyfriend is the guy I spent the night with in 2020 and they were together at the time.

- It's a twisted story.

- That's not the worst part. He knew that his boyfriend had slept with me and it didn't seem to bother him.

- They wanted a threesome with you or what??

- I don't know, but I've decided to stop it before it gets out of hand.

- Some couples are really messed up. You're always getting into weird stuff yourself.

He laughs and I smile at his remark.

- You're not wrong... I think I'm going to stay single for the rest of my life.

- By the way, what was it like with Max?

I almost choke on my saliva and respond quickly.

- What are you talking about?

- You told me he wanted to be friend with you again.

- Yes... it didn't work. He's still an asshole with me, and that's fine. We'll never get along.

- It's a pity... I really thought we were going to have a reconciliation between the two of you...

Pierre makes a grimace of disappointment, he is certainly less disappointed than if I had told him the whole truth.

- Too late, I guess."

***

I'm alone in my apartment in Monaco, next race is in two weeks.

Sitting on the couch, watching a Netflix show I don't even look at. Completely lost in my thoughts. It's late, but I don't sleep.

It's been several weeks since I broke ties with him. It's not easy. Sometimes I miss him.

Most of the time I get mad at him.

On race weekends, I act like he doesn't exist at all, not even looking at him for a split second.

He's not looking at me either anyway. He's not trying to apologize as usual.

He'll never change. He'll never admit he's been an asshole to me.

My thoughts are interrupted by the ringing of my phone.

I immediately recognize the number that appears.

I don't know if I should pick up. It's not a good idea under the circumstances, but I can't help it.