Shameless - lestappen

25 - They Don't Know About Us

They don't know how special you are
They don't know what you've done to my heart
They can say anything they want
'Cause they don't know about us

- One Direction (who doesn't miss them to be fair) 

25

Max Verstappen

Waking up, embraced in Charles' arms is a feeling comparable to positioning yourself at  pole in qualification.

I put my nose on his forearm clenched against me to breathe in his perfume. I reposition myself comfortably against him, his arms tighten around me and I fall asleep again, smiling.

I woke up two hours later with hot lips pressed against my neck and left cheek.

We spend the morning in bed exchanging kisses, sweet caresses, legs intertwined and our bodies pressed against each other.

Charles runs a hand through my hair and I meet his soft, shiny gaze.

"What are we, the two of us?

I did not expect that question and honestly I have been asking myself  for some time now every time I meet the eyes of the Monegasque. I do not have the answer but I do not want to remain uncertain about the issue and I do not wish to torture my mind.

- I don't know, I answer sincerely, what do you want us to be?"

I watch the Ferrari driver think and put his tongue on his lips. He's taking a long time to answer and it's starting to worry me.

I put my hand on his cheek to get his attention back on me.

"Sorry it's just that...

- Just tell me what you want, Charles.

- I want to... I want to be with you... I want to be yours. "

I feel the butterflies sprouting in my stomach like a fireworks explosion at the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix. My lips come to gently caress his before kissing him tenderly.

He backs away from me and his green eyes reflect sadness.

"But they'll never let me be with you.

- What are you talking about?

- Ferrari, they'll stop that.

I feel my stomach pinching painfully. 

- They don't have to know about us.

- It's not like it's something we can really hide.

- Maybe we could... give it a try?

Charles sighs, he is clearly tortured by the subject. He knows Ferrari better than I do and he's already come out so I know he's not exaggerating when he says Ferrari will prevent that, unfortunately.

- I want to try, too... but if I have to choose between you and my career, I'd rather be honest and tell you right away that I would choose my career. "

It hurts. Very bad. It's stuck in my throat and I suddenly feel bad. But I just nod my head. I can't blame Charles. He's worked his whole life to get into F1 and there's no guarantee that it will work between us. 

But mostly it hurts because I think I'd be willing to give up F1 if Charles asked me to.

I could do anything if he stayed with me.

***

Race week-end

I don't think I've ever felt so bad about a racing weekend.