A Royal Disaster in Brooklyn

Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11 | A CALL

Summer

TWO WEEKS have passed already since my last conversation with Isaac happened. I rejected him once again because of one thing. I got afraid of the unknown and the possibilities that all circling my head. Ngayon heto ako at nakahilata sa couch na nasa loob ng opisina ng psychiatrist ko.

This wasn't my idea.

Ideya ito ni Lauren at trusted din naman niya si Dr. Cookie. Binansagan ko siyang Dr. Cookie dahil kada may session si Lauren, binibigyan niya ako ng cookies pang-alis ng kabagutan. Pero hindi ako companion ngayon dahil ako mismo ang nangangailangan ng tulong. Bakit ko nga kinita si Dr. Cookie ngayon? Isa lang naman ang dahilan ng lahat ng ito.

Earlier, I found myself crying inside my bathroom because for the first in my life I felt alone. Kahit nasa bahay ang mga magulang ko, dumating na si Brooklyn sa wakas, malungkot pa rin ako. I even visited Lauren in her house to talked about me, my almost relationship, my failures, and my doubts. But that didn't lessen the emptiness inside my heart. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nagkakaganito ngayon at walang nakaka-alam nito bukod kay Lauren na siyang promotor.

“Is this can be inherited, Dr. Cookie?” tanong ko sa doktor na nasa aking harapan.

Na-kwento ko na sa kanya lahat ng nararamdaman ko na sintomas. Iyong pag-iyak ko kahit walang dahilan at ang nararamdaman ko na lagi ako mag-isa. Pero hindi pare-pareho dahil madalas ayos naman ako at maganda ang tingin ko sa mga bagay-bagay. Sinama ko rin sa kwento iyong tungkol kay Isaac at noong mga panahon na magkasama kaming dalawa.

“Before you arrived, I researched about you, your family and ancestors. I found some interesting notes on your father's side.”

Dahan-dahan ako pumihit paharap kay Dr. Cookie. I always lying down in the couch whenever Lauren had a session here. Nakakapag-isip kasi ako kapag nakahiga ako at nakatitig sa kisame.

“Did I inherited this from anyone in the family?”

“No. It's not in the Lewis' blood.” Nakahinga ako ng maluwag. “Your grandfather, ex-husband of your grandmother, Zenaida Lewis, had it which he inherited on his blood line.” Malayong-malayo na pala.

“Then, what is this kind of feelings?”

“A slump.” Kumunot ang noo ko bigla pagkarinig sa sagot ni Dr. Cookie. “During that phase, life can be dragging, but eventually life starts to feel more normal. There's no certain timeline to follow. You will unmotivated and lost suddenly.”

Gano'n nga ang nararamdaman ko. Akala ko ayos lang dahil wala naman talaga direksyon ang aking buhay pero mali ako. I didn't acknowledge this feelings because I thought it's normal.

“How can I breakout from this slump?”

“Acknowledge it first that you're in a slump. You have to determine where you're struggling the most. Here, take this notebook with you. I want you to write down all your weakness and strength so we can talk about it on our next meeting.”

Bumangon ako at tinanggap ang inabot niyang notebook sa akin. I have to acknowledge it first.

But how?

MATAPOS ang session ko kay Dr. Cookie, kinita ko si Brooklyn sa Brooklyn Bridge Park at inaya niya ako manood ng musical play. Matagal na rin iyong huling nood ko kaya sumama na ako sa kanya agad. We took the balcony seat kaya inaaninag ko pa kung sino ang mga nasa stage.

“Don't you miss singing, Brook?” tanong ko sa kapatid ko sa mahinang boses.

“Sometimes, but I'm happy with what I'm doing right now.” Mahina din ang boses ni Brooklyn para hindi kami maka-istorbo. “Are you bored? Do you want to go out or do you want to answer your phone first?”