Trigger Warning: Self Harm Ahead.
Again. Fucking Again. Kim spoke; Silently yet void anger filling inside him like something and everything.
He threw the vase beside him directly into a mirror that showed his reflection in the corner "you are pathetic." He spoke as He looked at himself from the shattered pieces.
He went forward to the mirror and touched the edge of the glass through the broken space in the middle. He sighed as he leaned into the wall beside him as support and flopped down to the floor as he ran his fingers to his hair.
There was a broken piece of mirror alongside his hand that was on the floor and He picked it up looking at himself through it. Hate. That was what he felt for himself. Since childhood. And since forever.
When he was a child his father had always tried to immerse him in The mafia related training even when he wanted to study music.
"It's just noise, you don't want to waste your time on that. Time is everything Kim." Is what he had told him.
Kim doesn't remember much of his mother, but the ones he does are filled with love yet voids of distance. The gentle hugs, the appreciations, the laughter and teasing...the happiness until her death.
He had been too young when she died, and kinn had told him after some years that She was murdered by his father's enemy, Tankhun would also have died but he was saved, but the trauma of whatever he must have witnessed was too much for him that his mental stability worsened.
Kim tried to think of some warmth in his childhood if it was just empty. Kinn had always been beside pa following his path to be the next leader while tankhun just lost into his madness.
Tankhun did try to be there for him, but how could a broken person who can't help himself could be another broken one. At one point Kim thought it was probably his luck. He was just under so much pain that he decided to move out and pursue music as much as he could, but still he tried to help his family from time to time,
And during one of those times is when Porchay happened. Kim smiled remembered the shining eyes that stood out in the midst of the crowd during the time he went for the promotion of his song to his own uni, due to the forcefulness of his manager since he was already too famous in it. And there was chay Just existing and yet shining like anything,
Moments after moments that he spent with Porchay Wasn't just an act to find about Porsche, He knew that. He remembered the day Chay had come running to him after finding about the lies Kim had told him and he had left Chay all alone in the entrance of the building as his innocent heart had faced the pain of life for the first time.
W"Porchay was right" Kim had thought. "I am selfish. Selfish to love someone like you and not being able to not." Now the smile had turned into a null, tears started falling and he was still looking at the piece of mirror in hands as he stared at his reflection in hatred and disgust.
"There it is. Love? For you? Why would you even think you'll have a glimpse of that word? The moment the boy knew The disgusting side of yourself that you tried so hard to hide he had already ran away." Something inside Kim spoke and that of His own. "I understand that Chay hates me. That I'm not deserving of his love. But I wish I could tell him how deserving he is of everything. I really want to. Even if he doesnt love me back I know I would always live with a space unfilled. And I wouldn't make him to too, because he's too much better for whatever I am but I want to be honest with him. At Least once. At least." He said as the pain in his chest and the tears on his face started increasing.
Kim sat there till obsecuresness overflowed inside him as he let all the tears out, those he didn't even know he was capable of. He just couldn't bear the sight of his own reflection, consumed by utter repugnance and pain.
He shattered the mirror, relentlessly breaking the pieces as blood dripped down, drop by drop.. "This isn't even Painful to what I did to chay, Right?" He mumbled to himself as he opened his hand.
His palm; once pristine white, now stained with blood as shards of glass pierced his hand. The unfelt pain intensified with each section of glass embedded in his firm grip. Kim sat there, just breathing, lost in a world of nothingness. Her eyes fixated on the unknown, as if hoping to find something that could fill the emptiness.
His trance was soon brought into a break by the ring of his phone. Kim didn't want to take it But He wanted to escape the weakness from letting in as much as he could. He looked at the name and Answered the phone "What is it!?" He answered as the mask he always has on appeared again.
Hey Y'all, I don't know when I'd be uploading since my Exams are coming up. Anyway I hope you all like this chapter! Have a great week and stay healthy❤️
